I haven’t updated my blog since starting my current job. Writing is my passion, but I’m not working on another book though I joke to my networking group that my follow up memoir is tentatively titled “What Happens Next”.

            Something totally unrelated to writing prompted me to blog again. My brother told me he was taking improv classes at “The Magnet Theatre” in NYC. He said the classes were super fun, and gave him an opportunity to perform onstage. Improv is acting without a script; a clearer description is: improv is “Whose Line is it Anyways” a TV show hosted by Drew Carey. A brief digression…

            For much of my life I wanted to fit into a cookie cutter, to blend with the crowd, and when I found out it was “cool” to be “weird in a socially conventional way”, I tried to impersonate my “I Could Care Less” peers. As a teen I was under the impression that I lacked a sense of humor... 

            Fast forward to present(ish) day to my first Improv class at The Magnet Theatre. Having no acting experience whatsoever, I decided to approach “Improv Level 1” with an open heart. There are 8 classes followed by a class show for each Improv class. One of the first things I learned (besides always “Yes, and” your scene partner) is to not start the scene with a joke or “try” to be funny; the humor will come with the specifics of the scenario. That put me at ease because I don’t see myself as a stand up comedian. Usually half of the class is up; the other half is sitting. Either the instructor or the audience will call out a suggestion (cayenne pepper, doppelganger, space, pirates) a relationship (priest/parishioner, parent/child, couple), a location (Grand Central Terminal, Kansas, Egypt) and 2 or 3 people will create a scene based off the word. When the humor reaches a peak point, the scene ends (each scene is usually a few minutes long.)

We’re taught to “yes and” your scene partner which means each scene partner shouldn’t negate what their scene partner says. Recently I was trying to sell lemonade to my scene partner, but he pulled a “gun” on me and demanded all my money, so I dropped to my knees and begged for my life. If I said, “that’s not even a real gun. And why is a 5 year old trying to rob me?” then I would be violating “yes and”. My scene partner was threatening my life and I was begging for mine, so we didn’t say anything funny, but the audience was laughing at the unexpected twist and absurdly distressing scenario. As my former instructor pointed out, “the humor comes with the specifics of the scenario.” My scene partner mercifully spared my life toward the end of the scene, even though I only had 1 quarter to bargain with.  

            I have been taking Improv classes for almost 5 months now; last week my “Improv Level 2” Class wrapped up with a show. In Improv I have been a 7 year old girl lost at a gym, a teen sneaking home at 3 in the morning, an undercover cop, a teen stuck in detention, a confused astronaut, a death row inmate, a reclining sofa, a car salesman trying to sell an orange BMW, an unfortunate soul who owes 1 million in back taxes, a contestant on a finger snapping contest, one half of a couple who live in a glass house, a kid asking for directions to Hogwarts, a statue in Central Park, and the list goes on…

            In Improv, “embracing your weirdness” is applauded, and being less conventional gets more laughter. Some of my Improv classmates are laugh out loud hilarious, and a good deal have acting experience. Though it’s categorized as “Improv Class”, the structure is very informal. We’re all here to improve our improvisational skills, and to have fun in the process. One of my former classmates concluded “improv is play for adults.”

            No one needs acting experience to take improv. And the teachers help us so that we’re ready for the class show after 8 weeks. For our first show, the audience laughed nonstop at our sketch, which made us feel pretty good since we were amateurs performing in a free class show. My brother sat in the first row during our second performance, and I loved seeing him laugh up close. The best part was taking a bow with my classmates at the very end. I don’t have any desire to become an actress; improv is something I do for fun. I’m grateful to my brother for introducing me to improv.         

            There are other benefits to improv. One evening after class, as I was walking to Grand Central with my fellow improv-er, he shared that improv helped him get over his fear of public speaking. Not only that, but improv can also help people “think on their feet,” a skill that is universally useful, whether you’re in a job interview trying to think of an answer to an unexpected question (if the CEO quit tomorrow and asked you to take her place, how would you grow the company?) or persuading your friend to spend 12 hours in Times Square with you in 10 degree weather (and no bathrooms) to watch the New Year’s Eve ball drop, or trying to get a 4 year old to eat spinach (still hard for me to persuade my adult self to eat spinach). And yes, the more practice you get, the easier it is to think of something to say during a scene.  Improv has also popped up during my weekday routine. A few months ago I attended a free “Improv Your Business” networking event hosted by the delightful Margaret (Maggie) Carey, who belongs to the same business networking group as myself, and is the Editor of an awesome online newspaper: HamletHub. It was refreshing to see my fellow suits in a whole new light; watching people in work gear perform Improv is priceless.

            Having a hobby is important. In college I knew I liked writing, but everything I wrote was tied to a grade, so I never scribbled for fun. As a kid, I thought I liked origami. After learning how to make a boat, I grew bored. As a youth I hated ballet, didn’t enjoy cooking, knitted a total of 2 lines, and quit drawing lessons after 1 lesson. I still will not sing in public (though I will occasionally rap during karaoke), run a marathon, or complete Sudoku puzzles in my free time. I’m tempted to Google “is being random considered a hobby”, but I’ll resist. Improv helps me unleash my randomness. 

It seems like everyone has something they really enjoy doing and/or are super talented at. I see pictures and hear stories of people who finished a “Tough Mudder” or surpassed a “Spartan”, cooked a colorful 3 course meal, painted murals that belong in a gallery, condensed “Romeo and Juliet” into rap notes, lose themselves in guitar rifts, capture forever moments through camera lens, and interview guests on their own TV show. Whatever your passion is, follow it! If it’s your 9 to 5, then more power to you!

If you have the slightest interest in Improv, and can commute to NYC once a week, check out The Magnet Theatre; they offer 1 free class per person. Students range from ages 16 to 70+. One of the perks of enrolling in a class is that you get to see free Magnet Theatre shows for the duration of your class. There’s no homework, and your misbehavior in scenes will be rewarded.

Life is better when we’re having fun, relaxing. I wouldn’t want to work 365 days of the year. Vacations are awesome! One of my dreams is to travel across the US with a group of people, so I decided to write a story about it.   

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go somewhere out there?” Julie pointed at the sky, her neon nail polish was brighter than the pale stars.

“Where?” I stretched on the metal bench, with my brown hoodie acting as a semi-soft cushion. It was midnight, and it was just the two of us laying on a bench in the bare campus track. Julie was standing up and pointing, her long, thick red hair slightly eclipsing my view of the sky. I’ve known her since the first day of Freshman Orientation when we both found out we’ve never flown on a plane before during one of those “icebreaker” games. We’re both seniors now. Julie’s a History major; she says she’ll audition for “The Voice” after she graduates. I’m a Finance major, and I plan on working in New York City. The only thing we have in common is that we both hate math. I majored in Finance because I knew I would almost be guaranteed a job after I graduate.

“To California.” Julie’s answer surprised me. I expected her to say something less practical, like “Venus” or “Jedha”.

Then I remembered her post-graduation plans. “That’s where ‘The Voice’ is filmed, isn’t it?”

            “I’m not talking about L.A. I’m talking about California.” Julie shook her wild hair, turned around, and stared at me “You get what I’m talking about, right?”

            “Yeah, I do.” I understood Julie. She was the person I didn’t have the guts to be. “And how would we get to Cali?”

            “Don’t know. Maybe some hot guy will take us.” Julie shrugged. I laughed at Julie’s well thought out plan. Our college was in a remote town in upstate New York, eons from Mount Kisco, New York, where I grew up. Julie grew up in Purchase, New York, and claims she’s never been anywhere else, besides New York City. Julie’s dad was older- he retired the year after Julie was born. He was a pilot until his 52^nd birthday when he decided he had enough of working, and flying. He wanted stability, so he re-married (a college professor), settled down, and bought a house on Main Street.

           

            “My parents are weird. They have a normal life, but it doesn’t feel normal. It’s like I’m living in a laundry detergent commercial.” Julie groused during sophomore year when we were both living in Landon Hall. “My dad reads all the time, but he never talks about what he reads. He bought a golden retriever when I was 12 because he said ‘everyone has one’. Except no one in my neighborhood does. My mom’s the girl version of my dad. She makes a pot of coffee every morning, but hardly drinks it. Something’s bound to happen.”    

            It didn’t surprise me when Julie said right as we were leaving the track at 1 in the morning, “We’re going to California.” I didn’t respond because I was thinking of the ramen I was going to make when I got back to my dorm. And how nice a wooly blanket would feel wrapped around me…

            What surprised me was that 3 weeks later we were actually in California.

            Austin was in our “Intro to Psychology” class. He had green eyes, firm biceps, and claimed the first CD he ever owned was Justin Bieber’s “My World”. That was enough for me to like him…along with every other girl in our class. He’d have long, funny conversations with Julie at parties, among other things. I never came close to kissing him, but it didn’t bother me because…well, I’m still trying to figure out the reason.

            Julie mentioned we were going to California one day while the three of us were studying for our Psychology exam in Austin’s dorm. Austin asked how we were going to get there. Julie shrugged her shoulders, “Don’t know.”

            Then he said, “Well, I was supposed to go to a concert in Cali with my brother for spring break, but it got cancelled so we’re stuck with two airplane tickets that can’t be refunded. Dave’s Uncle said he’d pay for us to stay in Puerto Rico so my brother and I are going there instead. Where in California are you going?”

            Three weeks later, we’re on a plane to California for spring break. We’ve never flown before so we were kind of nervous, but it wasn’t as bad as we feared. It was a smooth ride, aside from two dips. As we stepped out of LAX, our dialogue from that night popped in my head. “And how would we get to Cali?” “Don’t know. Maybe some hot guy will take us.”

Austin wasn’t with us, but we had two free airplane tickets in our hands. And “The City of Angels” in front of us. We also had 2 debit cards, 2 suitcases, and not a clue where we were going to stay for the night. I had planned to map out a detailed travel plan, complete with hotel and restaurant options. My parents were glad when I told them I had planned everything out. What they didn’t know was that I had only planned to make a plan. Something stronger than procrastination prevented me from actually mapping it out, and it may have been influenced by Julie who claims she never planned to go to a college in upstate New York, that it sort of just happened.

Julie turned to me and grinned, “Where do you wanna go?”

“Starbucks.” I responded.

Julie gaped at me in disbelief “Seriously?”

            After calling our parents, we got in a taxi, and told the driver to take us to the nearest Starbucks. The March temperature was a warm 75, and the sun glittered on the avalanche of tall buildings. They weren’t as tall as the skyscrapers in New York City, and for some reason, they reminded me of sand castles.

            “I was thinking we should eat as many meals as possible at ‘In-N-Out Burger’ to save money. And then splurge on a nice hotel.” I said. “They have Wi-Fi in Starbucks so we can look through the hotels, and find one at a good price.”

            Julie didn’t respond; she was staring out the window. Traffic was heavy. It took around half an hour to get to Starbucks. The driver helped us with our suitcases after we paid him, and handed us his card, “You girls should call me if you want to go sight-seeing. Rodeo Drive is just around the corner.”

            “We’re not staying in LA.” Julie responded. The driver lifted his eyebrows.

            When we were waiting in line for our drinks, I told Julie that I thought she could have been nicer to the driver.

            Julie laughed “I wasn’t rude; I was honest. We’re not staying in LA.”

            “What? I thought-“ I shook my head in disbelief. “Where are we going then?”

            “Don’t know. Somewhere out there. Maybe to a beach or canyon or somewhere.” Julie bit her lip.

“Sure, some hot guy will probably take us there.” I meant to sound sarcastic, but my voice didn’t cooperate.

Julie said, “No, not this time. I think something else is going to happen.” She nudged me “It’s your turn.”

I ordered a Venti Strawberry Lemonade Iced Tea. All of a sudden I was really thirsty. The freckled barista asked for my name.

“Megan, with no h” I responded.

Julie ordered a Tall cappuccino. She told the barista “My name’s Julie with an h.” The barista looked as confused as I did.

Julie’s cup of coffee came back as “Jewelhe”. She showed it to me, “I just wanted to see how she would spell ‘Julie with an h’.”

Of course. We sat near the window on leather sofas, gulping our drinks. And yes, Julie actually gulps her coffee. She loves the heat. We sat talking about everything and nothing in particular. I tried to steer the conversation into “finding a hotel” territory, but Julie kept pushing it aside.

In the midst of debating “what Al Pacino’s favorite movie would be”, the door burst open emitting a group of sandy people. I say that because all of them had various amounts of sand on their clothing and, a few unfortunate ones, had sand in their hair. Most of them carried cameras and backpacks. One of them drank from an iron canteen. I couldn’t tell, from a distance, if they were men or women because they all wore baggy clothes and had giant goggles on their foreheads. 

Everyone stared at them as if they were part of a circus. The freckled barista frowned as the sand accumulated on the pristine Starbucks floor. This particular Starbucks happened to be twice the size of the one back home, so everyone fit.

They began chattering. I half-expected them to speak in a foreign tongue, but one of them said “Grande Strawberries and Cream” so I knew they couldn’t be that far removed.

Snippets of conversations “Tropicana juice, where you at?” “Camera lens completely shattered, beyond repair” “I can’t believe they didn’t ask for ID”…

            A barista behind the counter cleared his throat “Ahem, are you all going to order something?”

            “Yes, we are.” A female voice spoke. “18 Grande Strawberries and Cream please, with extra cream.”

            The barista forced a smile, and asked, “Sure, what’s your name?”

            “Cindy. But you can put ‘Joe’ on all the cups. That way, we’ll all know they belong to us.” The woman replied.

            The barista looked relieved, “Ok ma’am. And who’s paying for this?”

            “I am!” Cindy pulled a credit card from her sand speckled pockets. Her wavy brown hair was striped with sand, and she wore orange combat boots. She said loudly, “I don’t normally look like this. I’m actually a third grade teacher in Des Moines.”

            Julie said to me, “She kind of looks like Mrs. Frizzle from the Magic Schoolbus.”

            While they were waiting for their drinks, with everyone in Starbucks pretending not to notice them, Julie was devising a plan. I had no idea what she was thinking, but from the way her eyes were flickering, I knew she was conjuring something. So it didn’t surprise me when Julie walked up to the nearest sandy person and asked where she was from.

            “Toronto. We’re all part of a tour.” Julie beckoned me to get out of my seat. I reluctantly put my empty cup down, and walked towards her and the sandy person.

            “Where are you going?” She asked eagerly.

            “Candy Land.” The woman responded with a serious smile. Looking past the sand, I could tell she was in her 20’s.

            “Candy Land? Like the board game?” Julie frowned. “You’re joking.”

            “No, I’m not.” The woman didn’t say anything else. We expected her to continue, but she muttered, “I should’ve told Cindy to get one without cream. Damn.”

            “Where did you all go before this?” Julie asked.

            “We were in the Mojave Desert in Nevada.” The woman said. “I was supposed to go to Las Vegas with a couple of my girlfriends, but I’m glad I came here instead. So much fun. Way better.”

            “How many days is the tour?” Julie questioned.

            “8 Days. We’re on Day Number 2 now, so we have 6 left.”

            “And what state is Candy Land in?” I was curious.

            “South Dakota.” The woman replied.

            I found that a little hard to believe. Julie asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, how much did you pay for the trip?”

            “$400, we have a huge bus that acts as a hotel. It has water beds, and glow in the dark stars. We have very interesting conversations when it’s dark enough to see the stars. Meals are included, but they’re not that good. Today we had French Fries and bagels for breakfast.” 

            “That sounds fun!” Julie exclaimed. “I wanna go!”

            The woman laughed, “Talk to Cindy. She’s in charge.”

           

            As soon as she said those words, I knew we were going to Candy Land. Julie might as well as been a genie. Her powers only worked for spontaneous, fun things, like the time she put on a hilarious musical for Contemporary Literature, instead of giving a presentation. And less for the practical. Julie received a C- for that “presentation”, despite (or maybe because of) her team members’ colorful wigs and blue lipstick.

            And sure enough, half an hour later, Julie made a deal with Cindy. In exchange for letting us join the tour to Candy Land, we would be responsible for the group’s Starbucks intake. Cindy, who also organized the trip, was thankful she wouldn’t have to pay for Starbucks anyone. After making some calculations, I realized that we could pay for 4 trips to Starbucks before we’d go over the cost of the trip ($400), provided that everyone ordered a Grande Strawberries and Cream every single trip. Money wise, it made sense, because we’d be spending most of our trip in places that didn’t have Starbucks or restaurants. And South Dakota wasn’t that far from California. From listening, I realized we would still get back in time to catch our plane to New York.

            Julie was clapping her hands and shrieking like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. I was quiet and contemplating. Not surprisingly, nothing came up when I Googled “Candy Land South Dakota” on my Android. But by that time, Julie was already on the bus, and there was nothing I could do, or say, to prevent this trip from happening.

            Anticipation should be a four letter word. Such as love. Or hate. I haven’t had this many butterflies in my stomach since the day Austin sat next to me in Psychology class.

Imagination was what helped me escape as a child. My past was very difficult, but I’m thankful I didn’t give up. My autobiography (Amazon Link below) “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness” details my journey from severely depressed to finding happiness. Last time I read my book, I thought: wow I really went through this. It was painful, but everything happened for a reason. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

Amazon Book Link

In tenth grade I had to give a presentation in Biology class. As I spoke, I had Britney Spears’s “Oops I Did It Again” CD playing in the background. I thought it would go nicely with my speech. I also had a bag of candy that I tossed to students who answered the questions I asked. One of my most memorable questions was “Who do you think the cutest guy in N SYNC is?”

             Thankfully my social skills improved in college. That didn’t mean I felt calm during a presentation. I recall dropping my note cards during the middle of my Organization Behavior presentation, announcing to the class “I’m nervous”, before finishing my speech. I was terrified of the audience. I remember going to my first Toastmasters meeting in SUNY New Paltz, and feeling awed by the level of articulacy the students possessed. I somehow managed to participate in Table Topics, which helps with impromptu speaking. Table Topics are a minute each, and I remember my palms feeling moist when it was my turn to speak. My friend said she voted for me for “Best Table Topic”; I believe she was the only one who voted for me. Still, it was nice to have the support of a super-articulate friend.

            I officially joined Toastmasters after college because I knew I was going to be giving presentations as an author. My confidence level was much higher than it was in high school, but I still wasn’t comfortable in front of an audience. So I relied on notecards for my first 4 speeches.

            I recently gave a dinner presentation for the John M Glover Agency about overcoming the difficulties I faced in “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness”. The audience was wonderful, and my presentation went very well. During the middle of my presentation I lost my train of thought. After pausing a few seconds, I was able to continue effectively. I found that pausing is a great way to gather thoughts together during a presentation. In the past, if I lost my train of thought, I would fill in the silence with “um, yeah, so, you know”, which made me more nervous, and less likely to remember my lines. Toastmasters has helped me learn the importance of pausing, and how to reduce/eliminate filler words during a presentation. In my speech I spoke about “not demanding perfectionism”. I wasn’t upset at myself for losing my train of thought because I knew that being upset at myself for “not presenting perfectly” would have negatively impacted my speech. At the end of my speech, I focused on the audience’s smiling faces, instead of that brief pause. It was a wonderful experience; I felt grateful I was able to share what I learned from my tough past.    

Whenever I’m about to give a speech, I don’t think about messing up. It helps to think of something pleasant, or anything but the speech itself. Someone once shared he would always think of something funny, such as a Kevin Hart joke, before he was about to give a speech. I’ve found that thinking about random things also helps with remaining calm. I admit, it’s sometimes difficult to think “ginormous” positive thoughts (I’m going to win the lottery today!), after a train of negative ones. In that case, random thoughts can come in handy. Random thoughts distract us, and are more helpful than negative thoughts. Positive thoughts are the most helpful. When I watched the super-horror film “The Conjuring 2” I thought of everything but the film. Visualizing porcupines, M&M’s, marshmallows, and bunnies distracted me from the onscreen demons. I don’t recommend thinking random thoughts during a speech though. Rather, use it as a way to feel calm before a speech.

            Practicing is very helpful. I’ve found, “winging” a speech leads to disastrous results. There are a few people who can “wing” a speech, and make it flow, but the majority of us require practice. Practicing helps calm us down when we know what we’re going to say. When I was in college, I had to give a presentation for my Marketing Research class. I had my PowerPoint crisp, colorful, and detailed, and my bag of candy ready to give to students who answered my questions correctly, at the end. This time around, I left Britney Spears in my IPod, and my awkwardness was minimal. However, few students answered the questions I asked at the end of my presentation. My PowerPoint was catchy, my speaking was coherent and on-topic; what I was lacking was: preparation. I had only practiced once for this particular presentation; I figured my cool purple PowerPoint was the “wow” factor. I read from my slides, and noticed students’ eyes glazing over. There was a little excitement when I announced I would be tossing out candy, but that excitement dwindled when I realized my classmates hadn’t been paying attention to my presentation (me reading off my slides).  

            Practicing helps us remember. My final speech never sounds 100 percent like it does during practice. I’d switch words around, or add a phrase in the middle. And yet, I don’t veer off point, into the woods, because I know the general direction of my speech. I owe this to regular practice. How many times should you practice a speech? I believe in practicing until I feel comfortable. Some days it’s more than others. There’s really no “magic” number.  I used to think it was 10 times, but now I practice until I feel comfortable. My goal isn’t to make a “perfect” speech. My goal is to enjoy giving my speech because I know if I enjoy it, my audience will as well. Whenever I was miserable during a speech, the audience looked miserable as well. However, when I’m smiling and energetic, my audience mirrors my smile. Every public speaking expert I’ve listened to, or read about, has emphasized the importance of practice.  

I pretend I’m talking to a friend when I give presentations. I don’t think about people judging me, because I know that will make me nervous. In college I didn’t tell anyone about my past because I was afraid they would judge me. I later realized it was all in my head. I share my life story and the lessons I’ve learned to give people hope that happiness is attainable no matter what our previous circumstances may be. It’s wonderful to see the audience connecting with my message, and smiling. There’s a saying “to be happy, make others happy.”

When we know that no one is judging, and what we have to say is valuable, then we feel relaxed during a speech. I cannot read minds so I don’t know what anyone in my audience is thinking. However when I choose to believe in my speech, and in the kindness of my audience, I feel relaxed and am able to give an effective presentation. And my audience always smiles afterwards. Remembering myself in tenth grade, I know if I can enjoy public speaking, then so can anyone.

In conclusion, to enjoy public speaking believe what you have to say is valuable. Know it’s no big deal if you “mess up” during your presentation; just keep going. Choose to believe the audience is kind. Pretend you’re talking to a trusted friend when giving a speech. Realize the importance of practice, and think pleasant, funny thoughts before a speech to relax. And last but not least, Google Toastmasters and visit a local chapter.      

I’m so grateful I’m able to share what I’ve learned, over the years, in my blog and in my presentations. I realize that everything happened to me for a reason, and that none of my past struggles have been in vain. I wrote my book (Amazon link below) to give people hope that happiness is attainable no matter what we’ve been through in the past.

Amazon Book Link

            I have a habit of thinking short phrases in Mandarin. Mandarin was the first language I knew. Most of my thinking is in English, but throughout the day, Mandarin phrases occasionally pop into my head. I was very young when I came to America, and it took a while for me to think in English. When I moved back to China, as a ten-year old, I gradually relearned how to think in Mandarin. Habits take time to form. Dr. Maxwell Maltz claims it takes 21 days to form a habit; University London College researches say it’s more like 66 days, and other sources say it takes 90 days. I believe it varies for each person.

            As a little girl, I had a soda and juice habit. When there wasn’t any soda in the house (there rarely was), I would drink juice. When there wasn’t juice in the house, I would go thirsty until there was juice in the fridge. My first request, upon landing in America as a five year old, was for a can of Sprite. I requested it in Mandarin to my dad, who gladly bought me a bottle. Drinking sugary drinks was an easy habit for me to develop as a little girl. Not many grown-ups supported my habit, but I didn’t care. I carried this habit (and all of its consequences) with me to college.

            Water doesn’t taste as exhilarating as soda, but I’ve learned to love water, after realizing I feel better when I drink water. As a kid I developed a habit of drinking only when I was parched. On average, I drank 2 cups of liquids a day, sometimes less. Even today, I have to remind myself to hydrate regularly after spending much of my life with “camel drinking habits.”

            Drinking little to no water was a negative habit. Thinking short phrases in Mandarin is a neutral habit. Meditating daily is a positive habit that I developed over time. It’s extremely relaxing, and was easy, for me, to develop. A difficult habit for me to maintain would be running for a mile a day. While driving, I sometimes see runners, (not wearing jackets!) puffing gusts of air in the frigid cold. They look lean, as if they’ve been doing this consistently. I admire their tenacity.

            A good way to develop habits is through giving ourselves rewards. When I first started writing my memoir, I set a goal: I was going to write four pages daily during the week, 2 pages daily on weekends, and exercise 1 hour Monday through Friday. For every day I did that, I would get a bright animal sticker on my calendar page. I’ve always loved cutesy things. Before I started my sticker habit, it was incredibly difficult for me to write consistently. I was very fortunate if I wrote consistently for 3 days! Before my sticker habit, I let Writer’s Block take over, and developed a “Lost” bingeing habit.

            It’s about finding a reward that works for you. For some people a long term incentive could be a trip to Six Flags. I’m terrified of roller coasters, so I would never consider that, but some people enjoy the thrill. I picked stickers because it’s something I could use daily without any negative side effects (as opposed to eating a sundae every day I completed my goal).

            I’m grateful I was able to maintain writing, but I would probably set a different goal now. My first manuscript is still on my book shelf; I did not use a single word from that manuscript on my final copy. Still, it was excellent practice, and I’m glad I have that manuscript.          

            Throughout my life, I had difficulty beginning a task. I thought it was odd until I read some motivational books. For many people, the hardest part is getting started. I used to set gigantic goals for myself: I’m going to read 80 pages of my textbook today! On a productive day, I’d maybe read 8 pages. Now, I wouldn’t set that goal. Instead I would say to myself: I’m going to read 2 pages. Two pages is easy. After two pages, I would read two more. It’s a thrilling feeling when we reach our goals, so our subconscious wants to keep going, after realizing how easy it is to read 2 pages. Taking breaks also helps when our heads or bodies start to feel “wooden”. I’ve found I’m much less productive when I’m tired. If I had to write a scholarly essay after working 8 hours on a hands-on project, I probably wouldn’t get very far. I’d be too tired to concentrate. My habit of taking short breaks whenever I need to helped increase my output. This has worked for many other people as well. It’s wonderful that resting actually increases productivity!

            The rewards of having helpful habits are enormous. I’ve learned Un-Productivity feels awful. During my most Un-Productive period, I was overweight, lethargic, and stressed. Helpful habits eliminated the consequences of un-productivity.

            As I mentioned before, a difficult habit for me to maintain would be jogging a mile a day. There’s currently no need for me to develop that habit, but if I had to (i.e for marathon training) I would go about it this way:

            First off, I’d find out exactly how much distance a mile covers. From what I remember, 4 circles around a track is a mile. I’m planning to run around my neighborhood so I wouldn’t have access to clear cut distance, like I would on a track. I’d invest in a Fitbit or any device that could accurately measure how much I run. This eliminates “guessing”. When it comes to exercising, I’ve found it helps to be specific about the outcome. “I’m going to do 3 sets of 10 reps arm raises with 8 pound weights” is clearer than “I’m going to do some weight lifting today.”  

            During my first week, I would alternate between walking and jogging with the aid of my new tracking device. I wouldn’t start off running a mile. First week, I’d probably walk ¾ of a mile, and jog ¼ of a mile. Self-encouragement is important when we’re starting something new. When I was on my high school track team, I would criticize myself relentlessly, and push myself to the limit. I started off as the “slowest runner on my team” Freshman year, and ended the year with the same title. Negative self-talk hurt me in the past, and made work much harder.

            Developing habits doesn’t have to be painful. Over the years, I’ve learned to relax and “take it easy”. I’d realize there’s no need for me to push myself to run 3 miles that first day, especially since I’m not a runner. For a while, I’d walk more than I would run. I’d gradually build up my stamina. After a while, I’d jog half a mile as opposed to a quarter of a mile. Once I’m comfortable with that, I’d jog three quarters of a mile. Gradually building up will allow us to “enjoy the process”.

In conclusion, developing good habits doesn’t have to be difficult. Taking breaks and rewarding ourselves helps with maintaining habits. Positive self-talk eases the process. Gradual build-up, “taking baby steps” also helps with sustaining habits. I believe it’s possible for anyone to develop helpful habits. Take it from someone who ate French fries for every lunch in high school (and throughout college).

My autobiography “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness” is available on Amazon (link below). I wrote my life story to give people hope that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.       

Amazon Book Link

            According to history.com, 45 percent of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions. I’m not one of the 45 percent. I’ve never made a serious New Year’s Resolution, and I’m not planning to this year. I’m much more motivated than before, but I realized setting a New Year’s Resolution didn’t sit well for me. Over the years I’ve realized it’s about finding a solution that works for you. The beauty of humankind is that we’re all individuals. In college, I thought I was a night person because many students were more productive at night. I would stuff myself with food, and attempt to study at 8 pm in the student lounge. After college I realized I focused better during the day. Around 8 pm my gears tell me to slow down. And I listen.

            The habits I developed in the past made life more difficult. I kept them because it felt good to order takeout, and hang out with my friends instead of studying. Throughout my life I alternated between “letting go” and being overly severe with myself. Neither helped. In college, I noticed there were students who got good grades, had a healthy social life, exercised regularly, and maintained a clean dorm. Habits are helpful for getting “what we want”.  And yes, having good habits can actually be fun. Like many people, I feel excellent when I’m productive and not pushing myself to the limit.

            Increased productivity feels great, but it doesn’t have to be “hard”. Growing up, I was taught I had to work hard to get to where I want to be. I was agitated, irritated, anxious, and insecure. Life became easier when I discovered another way. I listen to Law of Attraction videos on Youtube every morning. I’ve read numerous self-help books. I’ve discovered there’s a way to combine the two to enjoy work.

            Law of Attraction states “thoughts create things” and feeling happy helps us get to where we want to be. I listened to a video today, where a man asked Abraham Hicks: “well, if I want money do I just sit there and think about money? And not do anything at all?” Abraham replied “focusing is doing something. Action won’t feel like action if we’re enjoying the process.” There are people who love their jobs, who don’t need a vacation from their work.

            The self-help books I’ve read focuses on turning dreams into reality through action. And none of the books say: “In order to be successful you’re going to have to work 12 hours a day, 365 days a year. And you have to be miserable on top of that.” 

            In the past I believed I would have to work long, tiring hours to get ahead, which was why I procrastinated. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my goals in college was to get a 4.0. I didn’t achieve it. Life is a learning experience, and I don’t regret any of the choices I made in college. They’ve helped me become the person I am today. And yes, if I realized what I know now, I would go about it differently. I’d do this instead…

SUNY New Paltz

First off, I would invest in a nice pair of sneakers. I plan on hiking through Lake Minnewaska and walking on the indoor track at the gym. Exercising keeps people energized and healthy. I’d go to the gym at least 3 times a week, and finally meet Hugo the Hawk (mascot). The classes I’d pick would be: 2 business classes, 3 general education. I wouldn’t change my major: Marketing and Management, but I would take the business core curriculum courses as soon as possible. In college, I waited until sophomore year second semester to take Stats I, which was cutting it super close! And I didn’t take a Foreign Language until my last semester, which was needed in order to graduate. Thankfully I was already fluent in Mandarin so I was able to bypass the first Foreign Language course, but I wouldn’t do that now! Having a goal plan, knowing the “next steps” definitely helps. 

In college, I would daydream in class and rarely asked questions. This time around I would pay rapt attention, and take short, legible notes. When we pay attention, we understand things a lot quicker, and it saves us from unnecessary Googling later. And I wouldn’t feel hesitant asking my professors for clarification, if I needed it. I’ve found asking questions makes work go by “faster”, and produces quicker results. (When I’m in the city, I ask for directions if I don’t know how to get there. It speeds up the process, and reduces the “I’m so lost” feeling.)  

In my dorm I would set aside time every day to study, but I wouldn’t set aside a specific amount of time. I know there’ll be days when I’ll study more than others. I know that studying regularly will prevent stiff-neck cramming sessions and tachycardia later on. And it’s such a thrill when we’re “in the zone” and focused. I’ve learned that I study best when I’m by myself with no music in the background, so I would work from my dorm instead of the Student Lounge. I’d keep my phone on silent during study time, and hang out with my friends afterwards. Relaxation is important. I’d also keep my habit of taking naps whenever I need to.

Most importantly of all, I would believe I Can. I would visualize staring at my (digital, no more report cards!) 4.0 at the beginning of the semester, and I would keep that image in my head, and bring it up as often as possible. I wouldn’t let a 70 on a quiz block that image out. I’ve learned that criticizing myself only worsens things. Instead I would think: It’s ok that I got a 70 on my first quiz. What can I learn from this so I can get an A the next time?

Life is a learning experience. We crawl before we walk. We walk before we run. We wouldn’t expect ourselves to go from crawling to running. It took years for me to learn to be kind to myself. Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life” (the book that changed my life) states the one issue everyone struggles with is not feeling “good enough”. She says when we release that inner belief, our lives work on all levels. And so far all of the motivational books I’ve read have emphasized the importance of self-confidence. As a teenager, one of my favorite books was “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul”. In the book, wearing the “right” clothes and having “status” didn’t win lasting friendships. Confidence and kindness did.             

In conclusion, we already know the best way to reach our goals, even if it may not initially seem like it. Learn from others, and trust your instinct. I’ve learned so much valuable information from people in my networking groups. Find a solution you feel comfortable with; trust your inner voice. Have confidence, and know it’s working.

For most of my life I didn’t have confidence. It took me years to realize self-worth. I’ve been through the darkest pits of personal suffering, but I don’t regret anything. I wrote my book (link below) to give people hope that happiness is attainable, no matter what our past circumstances may be.  

Book Link

            Over the years, I discovered procrastination feels good in the beginning. The good feeling, for me, usually started dwindling around the 6^th episode of “Lost”. In college, I was able to convince myself that meeting up with my friends was more important than that upcoming test, because, well, the test was 5 days away. That good feeling was completely gone when it was the night before my test, and I realized there were no Sparknotes for my marketing textbook (I Googled).

            My reason for procrastinating was because I thought work was ”too difficult”. Subconsciously, I wanted to avoid pain so I did “fun” things instead. I admired (and envied) people in my dorm who “got things done”. They were the ones with clean rooms, who had enough willpower to decline my invitation for a late night trip to Oscar’s or Convenient Deli. For me, I just had to have my pizza and Gatorade at night, even if no one could join me. It was a habit I developed in the beginning of college: pizza and procrastination.

            There’s a great book titled “The Procrastinator’s Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now” by Rita Emmett. One of the tips she suggested was: start out with an organized work space. Now I make sure my desk is clutter-free before I work, but in college it was whole other story. In my memoir, I wrote about how one morning I, upon waking, was about to call the police because I thought someone had ransacked my dorm before realizing I was the one responsible for the mess.

            Having an organized work space helps us focus, and lessens distractions.  In “The Procrastinator’s Handbook” Rita states that it’s best not to read everything on our desk. It’s better to prioritize, and read the important things. She emphasizes the importance of de-cluttering. Massive amounts of paper will only lead to confusion. I’ve discovered I own several sheets of paper with a few sentences written on it. The sentences are probably a few months to a year old, so I’ve decided to get rid of them. I have a few books, a pamphlet, and a Best Buy folder on my desk. It’s easier to work when I’m not neck-deep in papers and Sprite bottles like I was in college.

            To ponder whether to “throw it away” or “keep it” Rita suggests asking ourselves:

1.     Do I currently love it?

2.     Do I currently need it?

She points out people feel a sentimental attachment to “things”, which is why I still have my tank top from 7^th grade (that I never wear) in my drawer! I remembered being upset when I couldn’t find my wide orange Gap pants with the black stripe from high school. I didn’t have a lot of clothes back then, and I would always wear those pants.

           

            “The Productivity Project” is a book by Chris Bailey detailing what he learned from his productivity experiments. In one of his productivity experiments, Chris decided to let go of all maintenance tasks for an entire week. He wore pajamas, took 3 showers during the week, ordered daily takeout, stopped cleaning, and tried to be as productive as possible. He claimed he felt terrible during the middle of the “letting go” week. As a kid, I believed I would feel excellent if I lived on takeout and didn’t do any chores. In college, I realized that wasn’t true. I realized I would have been happier if I cleaned my dorm regularly. And I remembered my friends with “Martha Stewart” dorms getting good grades in their classes. I also remember that (rare) ecstatic feeling of looking around my tidy dorm.

            Chris suggests doing rote maintenance tasks (such as cleaning the house) with your significant other to make it fun. He also suggests listening to something while cleaning. Calling someone during cleaning can also make it more fun.

            Rita Emmett suggests that planning actually reduces procrastination, and makes work more fun. In college, my method of studying was: I’m going to read the textbook straight through. That’s one of the reasons why I rarely studied. It was too painful for me. My GPA goal in college was to get an overall 4.00. I remember discussing it with one of my professors: “If I get a B- in your class, I think I can still get a 4.00! I can just retake it next semester!” (I got a C in that class, and didn’t retake it.)

            Now, I would have planned it out to make it easy. I know reading a textbook back to back would be painful for me so I would have taken notes in class. If I didn’t understand something, I would read that section in my textbook. In college, I spent a lot of time on introductory chapter pages, where they would give a general summary of what the chapter was about. Now, I would only read what was absolutely necessary. It makes life easier.

            Simplicity is key. I wouldn’t get much done if I made everything difficult. Another reason why I procrastinated was because, in college, my subconscious belief was that everything still had to be perfect. When I studied for my European history final, I made an alphabetical list of every bold term in my textbook. I decided I was going to write a paragraph for each term. I wrote two paragraphs, and closed the book. Perfectionism was too difficult to achieve, so why bother?

            Life is much easier now that I’ve stopped demanding perfectionism from myself. My productivity increases when I stop trying to “make it perfect”. I take naps when I’m tired. A few nights ago I stayed up until 1 am watching rap videos on Youtube. I didn’t feel guilty, but I knew I couldn’t do it regularly because I needed sleep. When we do things over and over again, it becomes habit. According to researchers, from University College London, it takes an average of 66 days to develop a habit. Some habits feel “good” (junk food), while others take time getting used to (waking up at 4 am). If I had to wake up at 4 am, I would go to bed at 8. I know I’ll feel energized once I get 8 hours of sleep. That’s the recommended amount for adults, but it really depends on the individual. Work becomes easier when we’re energized, when we have enough sleep. We also tend to get more done when we’re energized, which is why sleep is important. Broadly speaking, getting enough sleep reduces procrastination.

It took me years to understand what I’ve written in my blog. For much of my life I’ve lived in complete darkness. My book (link below) details my remarkable journey to happiness. It was painful to remember, but I know everything happened for a reason. I wrote my life story to give people hope. 

Book Link

            When I was a little girl I didn’t say “thank you” unless I was made to. As the years passed, I gradually understood the importance of gratitude. Having gratitude helps us feel better when we appreciate what we have. I watch Law of Attraction videos on Youtube. One of the core components to getting what we want is to feel gratitude for what we already have. Law of Attraction states that “thoughts create things”.

It doesn’t mean that if we think of something, we’ll instantly have it (which is good). Imagine the scenario: a fledgling actor thinks “I want to win an Oscar.” All of a sudden he gets a phone call saying he’s getting an Oscar delivered to his house for the 2 minute role he played 3 years ago. This keeps happening throughout the day, every day. After a while it becomes redundant because it’s “too easy”. There’s no long term satisfaction in getting things instantaneously. Rather, it’s about enjoying the process, and knowing what we want is within our reach. Good feelings speed up the process. Work becomes easier when we’re in a good mood. An easy way to feel good is through gratitude, by appreciating what we do have.  

            Our goal may be to buy a two story house near the beach. When we look at our current surroundings we’re focused on what we see (our home that’s not on the beach). There may be some resistance (but I’m not there yet! It’ll take years and years to save up). When we focus on what we’re grateful for, our mood improves, and we enjoy the journey.

            Gratitude doesn’t have to be difficult. Sometimes it’s easier if it’s simpler. I’m grateful the sun rose this morning, that breakfast was delicious, that I spent time with my family last weekend. Gratitude doesn’t have to feel like “effort”.

            I’ve heard making a gratitude list is helpful. It helps when we can physically see, in writing, what we’re thankful for. Little things are important as well. Not many people can write “I’m grateful I won the lottery today” but most of us can write “I’m thankful I have gas in my car.” “I’m thankful I have a winter coat.” “I’m grateful I found change in my pocket.” There’s no resistance when we “keep it simple”.  

            That feeling of appreciation matches the vibration of “what we want”. We want “things” (could also be intangible such as fulfilling relationships) because we believe we’ll feel better when we get them. When we focus on what we don’t have, then there’s discord. (I don’t have that house on the beach yet…) Appreciation feels “good” and feeling “good” matches the feeling of what we want when our dreams become reality. (I have a beautiful house on the beach!)

            I’ve found that it’s more helpful to focus on “what we have” than “what we don’t have”. “What we don’t have” causes anxiety, resentment, insecurity: feelings we don’t want to have in our lives. Appreciating “what we have” feels joyful, gives us control, is easy (I’m grateful I have a house to live in), and soothing: feelings we want in our lives. Joy, control are feelings we associate with getting “what we want”, whether it’s a house on a beach or a happy marriage. Appreciating what we have relaxes us, and helps us feel at ease. When we feel like we’ve already achieved what we want, then what we want will come to us quicker.

            There are success-building books such as “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield that focuses on Law of Attraction. Tony Robbins also writes about the power of visualization in his best-selling books. When I first heard of “Law of Attraction” I thought people who practiced it wore long robes and lived in isolation. Jack Canfield is the co-author of the “Chicken Soup” series, and wears a business suit on the cover of “The Success Principles”. It’s applicable to everyone, no matter what religion you follow (Jack’s a Christian), or what career you pursue. Olympic stars have used the power of visualization to win gold medals. They pictured the routine in their head, and “heard” the applause before performing the Olympic routine. Office workers have used Law of Attraction to help them improve their work relationships; business professionals have used Law of Attraction to increase sales; teachers used Law of Attraction to enjoy teaching. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay is the book that helped me understand Law of Attraction. She wrote about having gratitude in her amazing book.   

            Over the years, I gradually realized the importance of gratitude; I just didn’t initially apply it in my life. In elementary school, it seemed like the students who said “thank you” and smiled received positive attention from the teachers. As a little girl, I wanted to be one of those students who adults adored, who “glided” through school. I thought those girls had a magical formula for charisma; turns out it was simply saying “thank you” and smiling. Being appreciative goes a long way. People have landed jobs because they sent a thoughtful “thank you” note after the interview.

            With the holidays rolling around, it’s probably easier to be grateful. I’ve noticed even holiday commercials tend to be super- cheery. And there’s a song (don’t remember the title) that begins with “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” Mainstream Christmas songs are so catchy! My all time favorite Christmas song is “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by N SYNC. And I just watched “Miracle on 34^th Street” for the first time on Netflix (awesome movie). As a little girl, I felt a smidgen of gratitude during holidays because Santa Claus was constantly on TV, and standing near store entries.

            Practicing gratitude helps us focus on “what we have”. Yes, we’ll be grateful when we have a BMW, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate our Honda or Ford. There are people around the world who don’t have cars, and some of them are extremely happy. I watched a documentary featuring a man who pulled rickshaws for a living, who lived in a crowded hut with his family. Sometimes he would only have rice with salt for dinner. And yet he wasn’t miserable. He spoke about the joy he felt when he saw his children running to greet him after coming home from a long day of pulling rickshaws. We don’t have to “wait” for a BMW to experience gratitude; we can feel joy now. It’s priceless.

           

            For much of my life I’ve struggled. In the past I didn’t feel I had anything to be grateful for. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. Remembering myself as a teen, I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.                   

Book Link