I have a habit of thinking short
phrases in Mandarin. Mandarin was the first language I knew. Most of my
thinking is in English, but throughout the day, Mandarin phrases occasionally
pop into my head. I was very young when I came to America, and it took a while
for me to think in English. When I moved back to China, as a ten-year old, I
gradually relearned how to think in Mandarin. Habits take time to form. Dr.
Maxwell Maltz claims it takes 21 days to form a habit; University London
College researches say it’s more like 66 days, and other sources say it takes
90 days. I believe it varies for each person.
As a little girl, I had a soda and
juice habit. When there wasn’t any soda in the house (there rarely was), I
would drink juice. When there wasn’t juice in the house, I would go thirsty
until there was juice in the fridge. My first request, upon landing in America
as a five year old, was for a can of Sprite. I requested it in Mandarin to my
dad, who gladly bought me a bottle. Drinking sugary drinks was an easy habit
for me to develop as a little girl. Not many grown-ups supported my habit, but
I didn’t care. I carried this habit (and all of its consequences) with me to
college.
Water doesn’t taste as exhilarating
as soda, but I’ve learned to love water, after realizing I feel better when I
drink water. As a kid I developed a habit of drinking only when I was parched.
On average, I drank 2 cups of liquids a day, sometimes less. Even today, I have
to remind myself to hydrate regularly after spending much of my life with
“camel drinking habits.”
Drinking little to no water was a
negative habit. Thinking short phrases in Mandarin is a neutral habit.
Meditating daily is a positive habit that I developed over time. It’s extremely
relaxing, and was easy, for me, to develop. A difficult habit for me to
maintain would be running for a mile a day. While driving, I sometimes see
runners, (not wearing jackets!) puffing gusts of air in the frigid cold. They
look lean, as if they’ve been doing this consistently. I admire their tenacity.
A good way to develop habits is
through giving ourselves rewards. When I first started writing my memoir, I set
a goal: I was going to write four pages daily during the week, 2 pages daily on
weekends, and exercise 1 hour Monday through Friday. For every day I did that,
I would get a bright animal sticker on my calendar page. I’ve always loved
cutesy things. Before I started my sticker habit, it was incredibly difficult
for me to write consistently. I was very fortunate if I wrote consistently for
3 days! Before my sticker habit, I let Writer’s Block take over, and developed
a “Lost” bingeing habit.
It’s about finding a reward that
works for you. For some people a long term incentive could be a trip to Six
Flags. I’m terrified of roller coasters, so I would never consider that, but
some people enjoy the thrill. I picked stickers because it’s something I could
use daily without any negative side effects (as opposed to eating a sundae
every day I completed my goal).
I’m grateful I was able to maintain
writing, but I would probably set a different goal now. My first manuscript is
still on my book shelf; I did not use a single word from that manuscript on my
final copy. Still, it was excellent practice, and I’m glad I have that
manuscript.
Throughout my life, I had difficulty
beginning a task. I thought it was odd until I read some motivational books.
For many people, the hardest part is getting started. I used to set gigantic
goals for myself: I’m going to read 80 pages of my textbook today! On a
productive day, I’d maybe read 8 pages. Now, I wouldn’t set that goal. Instead
I would say to myself: I’m going to read 2 pages. Two pages is easy. After two
pages, I would read two more. It’s a thrilling feeling when we reach our goals,
so our subconscious wants to keep going, after realizing how easy it is to read
2 pages. Taking breaks also helps when our heads or bodies start to feel
“wooden”. I’ve found I’m much less productive when I’m tired. If I had to write
a scholarly essay after working 8 hours on a hands-on project, I probably
wouldn’t get very far. I’d be too tired to concentrate. My habit of taking
short breaks whenever I need to helped increase my output. This has worked for
many other people as well. It’s wonderful that resting actually increases
productivity!
The rewards of having helpful habits
are enormous. I’ve learned Un-Productivity feels awful. During my most
Un-Productive period, I was overweight, lethargic, and stressed. Helpful habits
eliminated the consequences of un-productivity.
As I mentioned before, a difficult
habit for me to maintain would be jogging a mile a day. There’s currently no
need for me to develop that habit, but if I had
to (i.e for marathon training) I would go about it this way:
First off, I’d find out exactly how
much distance a mile covers. From what I remember, 4 circles around a track is
a mile. I’m planning to run around my neighborhood so I wouldn’t have access to
clear cut distance, like I would on a track. I’d invest in a Fitbit or any
device that could accurately measure how much I run. This eliminates
“guessing”. When it comes to exercising, I’ve found it helps to be specific
about the outcome. “I’m going to do 3 sets of 10 reps arm raises with 8 pound
weights” is clearer than “I’m going to do some weight lifting today.”
During my first week, I would
alternate between walking and jogging with the aid of my new tracking device. I
wouldn’t start off running a mile. First week, I’d probably walk ¾ of a mile,
and jog ¼ of a mile. Self-encouragement is important when we’re starting
something new. When I was on my high school track team, I would criticize
myself relentlessly, and push myself to the limit. I started off as the
“slowest runner on my team” Freshman year, and ended the year with the same
title. Negative self-talk hurt me in the past, and made work much harder.
Developing habits doesn’t have to be
painful. Over the years, I’ve learned to relax and “take it easy”. I’d realize
there’s no need for me to push myself to run 3 miles that first day, especially
since I’m not a runner. For a while, I’d walk more than I would run. I’d
gradually build up my stamina. After a while, I’d jog half a mile as opposed to
a quarter of a mile. Once I’m comfortable with that, I’d jog three quarters of
a mile. Gradually building up will allow us to “enjoy the process”.
In
conclusion, developing good habits doesn’t have to be difficult. Taking breaks and
rewarding ourselves helps with maintaining habits. Positive self-talk eases the
process. Gradual build-up, “taking baby steps” also helps with sustaining
habits. I believe it’s possible for anyone to develop helpful habits. Take it
from someone who ate French fries for every lunch in high school (and
throughout college).
My
autobiography “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness” is available on Amazon
(link below). I wrote my life story to give people hope that there’s light at
the end of the tunnel. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.
