Over the years, I discovered procrastination feels good in the beginning. The good feeling, for me, usually started dwindling around the 6^th episode of “Lost”. In college, I was able to convince myself that meeting up with my friends was more important than that upcoming test, because, well, the test was 5 days away. That good feeling was completely gone when it was the night before my test, and I realized there were no Sparknotes for my marketing textbook (I Googled).

            My reason for procrastinating was because I thought work was ”too difficult”. Subconsciously, I wanted to avoid pain so I did “fun” things instead. I admired (and envied) people in my dorm who “got things done”. They were the ones with clean rooms, who had enough willpower to decline my invitation for a late night trip to Oscar’s or Convenient Deli. For me, I just had to have my pizza and Gatorade at night, even if no one could join me. It was a habit I developed in the beginning of college: pizza and procrastination.

            There’s a great book titled “The Procrastinator’s Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now” by Rita Emmett. One of the tips she suggested was: start out with an organized work space. Now I make sure my desk is clutter-free before I work, but in college it was whole other story. In my memoir, I wrote about how one morning I, upon waking, was about to call the police because I thought someone had ransacked my dorm before realizing I was the one responsible for the mess.

            Having an organized work space helps us focus, and lessens distractions.  In “The Procrastinator’s Handbook” Rita states that it’s best not to read everything on our desk. It’s better to prioritize, and read the important things. She emphasizes the importance of de-cluttering. Massive amounts of paper will only lead to confusion. I’ve discovered I own several sheets of paper with a few sentences written on it. The sentences are probably a few months to a year old, so I’ve decided to get rid of them. I have a few books, a pamphlet, and a Best Buy folder on my desk. It’s easier to work when I’m not neck-deep in papers and Sprite bottles like I was in college.

            To ponder whether to “throw it away” or “keep it” Rita suggests asking ourselves:

1.     Do I currently love it?

2.     Do I currently need it?

She points out people feel a sentimental attachment to “things”, which is why I still have my tank top from 7^th grade (that I never wear) in my drawer! I remembered being upset when I couldn’t find my wide orange Gap pants with the black stripe from high school. I didn’t have a lot of clothes back then, and I would always wear those pants.

           

            “The Productivity Project” is a book by Chris Bailey detailing what he learned from his productivity experiments. In one of his productivity experiments, Chris decided to let go of all maintenance tasks for an entire week. He wore pajamas, took 3 showers during the week, ordered daily takeout, stopped cleaning, and tried to be as productive as possible. He claimed he felt terrible during the middle of the “letting go” week. As a kid, I believed I would feel excellent if I lived on takeout and didn’t do any chores. In college, I realized that wasn’t true. I realized I would have been happier if I cleaned my dorm regularly. And I remembered my friends with “Martha Stewart” dorms getting good grades in their classes. I also remember that (rare) ecstatic feeling of looking around my tidy dorm.

            Chris suggests doing rote maintenance tasks (such as cleaning the house) with your significant other to make it fun. He also suggests listening to something while cleaning. Calling someone during cleaning can also make it more fun.

            Rita Emmett suggests that planning actually reduces procrastination, and makes work more fun. In college, my method of studying was: I’m going to read the textbook straight through. That’s one of the reasons why I rarely studied. It was too painful for me. My GPA goal in college was to get an overall 4.00. I remember discussing it with one of my professors: “If I get a B- in your class, I think I can still get a 4.00! I can just retake it next semester!” (I got a C in that class, and didn’t retake it.)

            Now, I would have planned it out to make it easy. I know reading a textbook back to back would be painful for me so I would have taken notes in class. If I didn’t understand something, I would read that section in my textbook. In college, I spent a lot of time on introductory chapter pages, where they would give a general summary of what the chapter was about. Now, I would only read what was absolutely necessary. It makes life easier.

            Simplicity is key. I wouldn’t get much done if I made everything difficult. Another reason why I procrastinated was because, in college, my subconscious belief was that everything still had to be perfect. When I studied for my European history final, I made an alphabetical list of every bold term in my textbook. I decided I was going to write a paragraph for each term. I wrote two paragraphs, and closed the book. Perfectionism was too difficult to achieve, so why bother?

            Life is much easier now that I’ve stopped demanding perfectionism from myself. My productivity increases when I stop trying to “make it perfect”. I take naps when I’m tired. A few nights ago I stayed up until 1 am watching rap videos on Youtube. I didn’t feel guilty, but I knew I couldn’t do it regularly because I needed sleep. When we do things over and over again, it becomes habit. According to researchers, from University College London, it takes an average of 66 days to develop a habit. Some habits feel “good” (junk food), while others take time getting used to (waking up at 4 am). If I had to wake up at 4 am, I would go to bed at 8. I know I’ll feel energized once I get 8 hours of sleep. That’s the recommended amount for adults, but it really depends on the individual. Work becomes easier when we’re energized, when we have enough sleep. We also tend to get more done when we’re energized, which is why sleep is important. Broadly speaking, getting enough sleep reduces procrastination.

It took me years to understand what I’ve written in my blog. For much of my life I’ve lived in complete darkness. My book (link below) details my remarkable journey to happiness. It was painful to remember, but I know everything happened for a reason. I wrote my life story to give people hope. 

Book Link

            When I was a little girl I didn’t say “thank you” unless I was made to. As the years passed, I gradually understood the importance of gratitude. Having gratitude helps us feel better when we appreciate what we have. I watch Law of Attraction videos on Youtube. One of the core components to getting what we want is to feel gratitude for what we already have. Law of Attraction states that “thoughts create things”.

It doesn’t mean that if we think of something, we’ll instantly have it (which is good). Imagine the scenario: a fledgling actor thinks “I want to win an Oscar.” All of a sudden he gets a phone call saying he’s getting an Oscar delivered to his house for the 2 minute role he played 3 years ago. This keeps happening throughout the day, every day. After a while it becomes redundant because it’s “too easy”. There’s no long term satisfaction in getting things instantaneously. Rather, it’s about enjoying the process, and knowing what we want is within our reach. Good feelings speed up the process. Work becomes easier when we’re in a good mood. An easy way to feel good is through gratitude, by appreciating what we do have.  

            Our goal may be to buy a two story house near the beach. When we look at our current surroundings we’re focused on what we see (our home that’s not on the beach). There may be some resistance (but I’m not there yet! It’ll take years and years to save up). When we focus on what we’re grateful for, our mood improves, and we enjoy the journey.

            Gratitude doesn’t have to be difficult. Sometimes it’s easier if it’s simpler. I’m grateful the sun rose this morning, that breakfast was delicious, that I spent time with my family last weekend. Gratitude doesn’t have to feel like “effort”.

            I’ve heard making a gratitude list is helpful. It helps when we can physically see, in writing, what we’re thankful for. Little things are important as well. Not many people can write “I’m grateful I won the lottery today” but most of us can write “I’m thankful I have gas in my car.” “I’m thankful I have a winter coat.” “I’m grateful I found change in my pocket.” There’s no resistance when we “keep it simple”.  

            That feeling of appreciation matches the vibration of “what we want”. We want “things” (could also be intangible such as fulfilling relationships) because we believe we’ll feel better when we get them. When we focus on what we don’t have, then there’s discord. (I don’t have that house on the beach yet…) Appreciation feels “good” and feeling “good” matches the feeling of what we want when our dreams become reality. (I have a beautiful house on the beach!)

            I’ve found that it’s more helpful to focus on “what we have” than “what we don’t have”. “What we don’t have” causes anxiety, resentment, insecurity: feelings we don’t want to have in our lives. Appreciating “what we have” feels joyful, gives us control, is easy (I’m grateful I have a house to live in), and soothing: feelings we want in our lives. Joy, control are feelings we associate with getting “what we want”, whether it’s a house on a beach or a happy marriage. Appreciating what we have relaxes us, and helps us feel at ease. When we feel like we’ve already achieved what we want, then what we want will come to us quicker.

            There are success-building books such as “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield that focuses on Law of Attraction. Tony Robbins also writes about the power of visualization in his best-selling books. When I first heard of “Law of Attraction” I thought people who practiced it wore long robes and lived in isolation. Jack Canfield is the co-author of the “Chicken Soup” series, and wears a business suit on the cover of “The Success Principles”. It’s applicable to everyone, no matter what religion you follow (Jack’s a Christian), or what career you pursue. Olympic stars have used the power of visualization to win gold medals. They pictured the routine in their head, and “heard” the applause before performing the Olympic routine. Office workers have used Law of Attraction to help them improve their work relationships; business professionals have used Law of Attraction to increase sales; teachers used Law of Attraction to enjoy teaching. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay is the book that helped me understand Law of Attraction. She wrote about having gratitude in her amazing book.   

            Over the years, I gradually realized the importance of gratitude; I just didn’t initially apply it in my life. In elementary school, it seemed like the students who said “thank you” and smiled received positive attention from the teachers. As a little girl, I wanted to be one of those students who adults adored, who “glided” through school. I thought those girls had a magical formula for charisma; turns out it was simply saying “thank you” and smiling. Being appreciative goes a long way. People have landed jobs because they sent a thoughtful “thank you” note after the interview.

            With the holidays rolling around, it’s probably easier to be grateful. I’ve noticed even holiday commercials tend to be super- cheery. And there’s a song (don’t remember the title) that begins with “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” Mainstream Christmas songs are so catchy! My all time favorite Christmas song is “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by N SYNC. And I just watched “Miracle on 34^th Street” for the first time on Netflix (awesome movie). As a little girl, I felt a smidgen of gratitude during holidays because Santa Claus was constantly on TV, and standing near store entries.

            Practicing gratitude helps us focus on “what we have”. Yes, we’ll be grateful when we have a BMW, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate our Honda or Ford. There are people around the world who don’t have cars, and some of them are extremely happy. I watched a documentary featuring a man who pulled rickshaws for a living, who lived in a crowded hut with his family. Sometimes he would only have rice with salt for dinner. And yet he wasn’t miserable. He spoke about the joy he felt when he saw his children running to greet him after coming home from a long day of pulling rickshaws. We don’t have to “wait” for a BMW to experience gratitude; we can feel joy now. It’s priceless.

           

            For much of my life I’ve struggled. In the past I didn’t feel I had anything to be grateful for. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. Remembering myself as a teen, I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.                   

Book Link

The first time I heard Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” was when I was in college. There’s a line “But in your life you’ll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team. I didn’t know it at fifteen.” I didn’t know it at fifteen either. Or 20 for that matter. For much of my life I was preoccupied with “fitting in”, and worrying excessively about what people thought.

            In the past, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough” so I looked to my peers, and copied what they said. “When all you wanted was to be wanted. I wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now” is another lyric from “Fifteen”.

            If I could go back and tell myself something at 15, it would be: you have something to say. I didn’t know how to talk to people; I wanted to make friends “quickly”, but it was difficult for me.

            In college, my social skills improved, but I was still trying to “fit in”. I felt certain things were “ok” to talk about: Friday night plans, what happened during Friday night plans, shopping, my current crush, why I couldn’t get my current crush, MTV reality shows, celebrities...

There were many students who talked about other things: hiking through Mohonk Mountain, getting internships, embracing acceptance, current events, sports, interesting class discussions, fun concerts, great movies, Saturday morning plans…  

Sometimes I had fun talking about Friday night plans, but there were many times when I didn’t feel comfortable. When people were discussing how much fun they had at parties, I would join in, but in the back of my head I would be thinking I really didn’t have fun. He ignored me, and so did she. I wonder why.

I had a whole bunch of theories about why he or she ignored me at parties, and the more I expounded upon my theories, the more anxious I felt. To this day, I don’t know what people think. I can’t read minds. I’ve learned a great way to overcome social anxiety is to realize: we will never know what anyone is thinking. There’s no point in worrying about what another person is thinking if we’ll never know.  

You ever think someone was upset with you, and it turns out they were just having a bad day? I’ve found the more I seek reassurance, validation, that the person isn’t upset with me, the more insecure I become. It took years for me to become socially confident. A good way to feel relaxed during social interactions is through thinking positive affirmations. I have my own affirmation I use whenever I talk with people (pulled from a Louise Hay video on Youtube.) It’s about finding an affirmation that you feel comfortable with.  

For much of my life, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough”. That was my own belief, and it manifested into poor social interactions.  I’ve discovered the more I sought validation to affirm self-worth, the less confident I felt. Realizing self-worth helped build my social confidence. I realized self-worth not by my achievements, but by accepting myself for who I am. I chose to believe I’m good enough. Self-worth simply has to be realized, instead of “earned”. If I based my self-worth on my achievements, I will always be competitive and insecure. It took a while for me to get rid of my negative self-beliefs; remembering myself as a teenager: I know if I can become confident, then so can anyone. 

I used to feel so nervous when I met people, especially people who I thought I should impress. It helps when we see everyone as equals. I’ve found when I show genuine interest in the other person, the conversation flows naturally, and we have more to discuss. Asking questions is a good way to continue conversations when it seems like you have “nothing in common” with the other person. If they smile when they discuss their favorite sports team, ask them about it without putting their team down. It’s always important to be genuine. In college, I would purposefully root for the Red Sox during a Yankees game just to be different. Only thing was, I was a Yankees fan so it came across as fake.

            In college, there were many times when I would think did I really say that? Now it’s become: yes, I said it. Life moves on. People aren’t going to talk about that “social mistake you made” for the rest of their lives. They’re preoccupied with their own lives. And I bet everyone’s been through something similar at least once in their lives. There’s a reason why James Bond is a fictional character. He reminds me of Batman, in a sense. I think I would get along better with Spider Man or Superman.

            We all have important things to say; we just have to realize it. Social interactions are successful when we’re relaxed, when we know what we have to say is important. And yes, everyone has something of value to add to a conversation.

            Being happy is about enjoying the friendships you have. It’s not a numbers game. It’s important not to base our self worth on the amount of friends we have. It took years for me to realize that. I’ve made more friends when I stopped “trying”, and simply acted like myself. So far, all of the success-building books I’ve read (first one was “Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You”) have emphasized the importance of staying true to yourself.

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”- Dr. Suess (author of one of the first books I ever read.)  

“Stay true to you, and you will end up incredibly happy”- QuotesGram

            Some people are born with higher levels of confidence. I started out very sensitive to criticism. My early environment didn’t help, and I spent much of my life having very low self esteem. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

Book Link

Book Link

            Growing up, I disliked exercising. I only did it because I felt like I had to. In high school I was the slowest runner on my track team. Even though I was slow, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. In college, I went the opposite direction and lived on French Fries and soda. I didn’t exercise, and was constantly getting sick in the winter. Winter was “Z-Pak” season. Every college winter I would pay a visit to the campus infirmary where I was prescribed a “Z-Pak” for bronchitis. The Z-Pak lowered my fever, but it didn’t help change my habits. I was staying up too late, eating fried foods, avoiding the gym, and constantly stressing. Freshman 15 became Sophomore 20 and finally Junior 25. As a Junior, I was overweight, physically drained, and constantly coughing during the colder months. I knew I should be exercising, but the “should” didn’t become “did” until much later.

            I now exercise to be healthy. I’m happy with my weight, and I don’t stress out if I gain a few pounds. Last time I checked the scale, I saw I had gained 3 pounds, despite exercising 5 times that week. I owed the weight gain to fried ice cream and pecan pie. I also realized that I gained 3 pounds, not 30. And that it wasn’t something to stress over. Weight gain doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s important not to base our self-worth on our weight.

  

         

            I eat to stay healthy. This Thanksgiving I stuffed myself, and I’m glad I did! But I know in the long run, having copious amounts of pecan pie every single day isn’t going to help my health. I’ve also learned that there is no need for me to deny myself food. In the past, when I tried to diet, I noticed I was constantly irritated. Now I eat whenever I’m hungry, but I don’t eat until I’m over-stuffed. I notice I get tired when I’m overly-stuffed, and then I sleep and sleep and sleep. That’s why I stop eating when I’m 70 percent full, so I’m not starving or tired. It’s a happy medium.

            Growing up, I wasn’t a vegetable fan. I drink Shakeology because it’s plant-based so I know I’m getting my veggie intake. And there are vegetables (besides potatoes) I do enjoy such as eggplant, green peppers, Thai basil, onions. I prefer sautéed, flavorful veggies. The best part of Shakeology is that whenever I don’t feel like cooking, I can make it in less than a minute, and it’s chock full of veggies! Sometimes I’ll drink it as breakfast, other times I’ll drink it as a snack, depending on how hungry I am. It’s also easier to exercise when I’m not hungry.

            I prefer walking to running. I enjoy running in extremely short spurts; it feels good to know the end is very near! Walking is good exercise, as is Zumba or yoga. I take group classes at my gym after realizing I prefer classes over the elliptical. I go to my classes regularly, but I don’t push myself. The most I’ve ever lifted is 20 pounds; I normally lift 15. The classes are an hour long so I still feel the burn, but I’m not panting or overly sore the next day. I know I won’t get “ripped” by lifting 15 pounds, but I’m ok with that. I want to be able to enjoy exercising. Last weekend I went to my friend’s Beachbody Fitness class where we learned a hip-hop routine. I enjoyed it because it was a fun workout with Bruno Mars music. I felt the burn, but I wasn’t exhausted afterward.   

            In the past, I didn’t enjoy exercising because it bought back painful track memories, when I would force myself to endure unnecessary pain. But not exercising at all made me miserable as well. I realize I’m happiest when I’m regularly exercising, yet not pushing myself. I have no desire to compete in the Olympics or play professional sports; I exercise to stay healthy. When I was in college I was constantly coughing and getting sick. Now, with regular exercise, my immune system has improved, and I don’t get sick as often! Exercising cuts down doctor bills.

             

            To stay healthy, find something that you enjoy doing, whether it’s walking, skipping, rock climbing, etc.. Exercise at a pace you enjoy, whether it’s walking 30 minutes a day, or completing a Michael Phelps routine. Personally, I would never work out 6 hours a day like Olympic athletes, but there are people who can do it. It’s all about finding what suits you.

            Not too long ago, I used to get fast food after the gym. It felt good while I was eating (yes, carbs!), but afterward my stomach felt funny. My mentality was: I deserve a reward after a work out. Except fast food after the gym was more like a punishment because of the way my body felt afterwards. My body feels better when I skip fast food, and eat healthy after a work out. My dream, as a little girl, was to live on Cheetos and soda, but now I’m glad that it didn’t come true.

Like many people, I feel more energized after a work out. If you had explained this to me in college, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I’ve found that exercising helps with maintaining energy level. I’m sure we’ve all experienced it before, that I-Want-To-Keep-Going feeling after a workout. I feel that way when I don’t overly push myself, hence the reason why I stick with lifting 15 pounds! I’ve always wondered what the mind frame of a professional athlete or Olympic star is; they spend hours, every day, training. I believe many of them genuinely enjoy their sport, which is their motivation to “keep going”. From what I heard, the ones who genuinely enjoy their sport are the ones who perform well during matches. Enjoyment is important.  

Doing something fun, really fun such as kayaking, snowboarding, or playing Dance Dance Revolution definitely helps! I’ve yet to go kayaking or snowboarding, but I want to one day. Hiking with friends is fun too. I’m always super excited when I see an unexpected animal, like a beaver. I recommend doing something outdoorsy with friends; you can laugh and talk while walking down a new trail!

Exercising can definitely be enjoyable, which is something I didn’t believe as a teenager. We all have different levels of physical stamina, and enjoy different activities. Find something you enjoy, and go for it! I believe life should be easy.

My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. For much of my life I felt like I was running an endless marathon. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.   

Book Link

            When I was a little girl I had a huge imagination. I still do. In college I stifled my imagination by pretending to be interested in things to appear “cool”. At my college we had so many quaint cafes, yet I didn’t spend much time in them. I was going out and pretending to enjoy it. I remember checking out “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” (incredible book) by Junot Diaz from the college library, and just having it sit on my desk. I had every intention of reading it, but it wasn’t until after college that I finished it. The book is so delightfully random, which was why I enjoyed it.

            There was a 1996 study involving over 1000 adults aged 60 to 86. They were rated at the beginning of the study based on their levels of curiosity. Some of them smoked, some of them had cardiovascular disease, some of them had cancer. After five years, researches found that those who were initially rated as “more curious” were more likely to be alive at its conclusion, including the ones who had health issues.  This study was published in “Psychology and Aging”.

            I just Googled “curiosity killed the cat”. The link “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction bought it back- Wikipedia” popped up. 

            Curiosity makes us happier. In the beginning of college, I would Google the same few celebrities in my free time while “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” waited patiently. At that time, I didn’t think it was cool to “think”. But I noticed I felt happier when I was having discussions in my writing class. My friend took me to her philosophy class towards the end of college, and it was a blast!

            My life is so much more fulfilling when I’m curious! A few weeks ago my friend told me about Graham Hancock who lives by the motto “question everything.” When I think of computers I think of PC or Mac. Yet the first computers were supposedly designed by ancient Greek scientists in 205 BCE, centuries before 1946 when the world was introduced to the ENIAC computer (which took up a whole room!). Graham is an incredibly brilliant man, who ponders historical conundrums like the ancient Greek computers. I’m learning more about him. He has a documentary on Youtube that’s fascinating.

            You can learn so much from Google! I just found out what happens when you Google “Zerg Rush”… And I also recommend Googling “interesting facts”. Discovering fun, random things is delightful! Life becomes more colorful when we’re curious. Take it from someone who used to only watch reality shows. I remember the only DVD I borrowed from Netflix back in college was “Gastineau Girls”- a reality show about a beautiful mother/daughter socialite duo. I had Netflix for a year and half in college. My current favorite show is “Gilmore Girls”. It’s a show about a fictional mother/ daughter duo set in the town of Stars Hollow. I never watched this in high school, so now I’m catching up! Rory is awesome (and has a great sweater collection). Michel is blasé, hilarious, and has the best accent. I’m only on the 3^rd season so I haven’t met Lorelai’s dog yet. And I kind of know what happens from accidentally Googling, but I’ll keep watching because the dialogue is spectacular!

            Remember how you felt when you were a kid and discovered bubble blowing? Or found a new way to walk to your friend’s house? As a little girl I wanted to find a four leaf clover because my classmates were raving about how awesome it was. Not sure if I found one, but I remember the shrieks of delight from my classmates when they plucked one during recess. It was as if they discovered a hidden diamond mine! As adults, we’re no longer continuously looking for four leaf clovers, but it doesn’t mean we have to lose our fun, or our curiosity. Life can still be fun. We don’t have to depend on our parents for allowances or car rides anymore; we can create our futures! And yes, we can enjoy creating our futures.

You ever go to a restaurant and order something new? A few nights ago I ordered fried ice cream. The server came back with a lighter, and poured fire over my fried ice cream. I’ve had fried ice cream before, but never with fire. My inner five year old was delighted as I took my first bite of fiery fried ice cream. I used to stick with the same routine restaurants, but now I’m open to new experiences.       

            Life has a routine for many people, myself included. I cannot hop on a plane tomorrow for a 6 month Barbados vacation. But it doesn’t mean our lives have to become a routine. Being curious helps, as long as the things we choose to explore don’t cause us pain. The secret is to figure out what we truly enjoy, whether it’s swimming, mathematics, cooking, philosophy, football, or traveling. And then explore what we’re interested in. For a long time I didn’t know what I truly liked, which was why I didn’t visit Lake Minnewaska in college or spend time in quaint cafes. But then I realized: it’s never too late! Now I’m enjoying Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and fascinating conversations in pizza parlors. Time really flies when we’re enjoying activities.

            Being curious, trying new things adds spark to our lives. We’re not clones or drones; we’re individuals. Nine to 5 doesn’t have to be a life sentence. People have interesting stories. Ask your friendly co-worker about her vacation, hobbies, favorite memories and you might be fascinated by what she says!

            My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. I’m grateful I live colorfully now, after spending so many years in darkness.  

Book Link

            For most of my life I avoided cooking. It just wasn’t “my thing”. In college I would fry a hot dog and put it in a piece of bread, and call it a meal. I wanted to improve my eating habits. In the past I lost weight because I ate less, but not always healthier. I like meals that taste delicious, but are relatively simple to make. I drink Shakeology because it takes 1 minute to prepare, and is plant-based. It’s filling when I add peanut butter, almond milk, and half a banana to it. And it tastes like a delicious semi-sweet milkshake. 

 

            One of my goals is to learn how to cook. I can scramble an egg, bake a Betty Crocker cake, cook pasta, and operate a microwave. I will never starve.  But now I want to learn how to really cook. It’s one of my goals. I listen to a lot of Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube, who says in order to reach goals it’s best to “make it easy”.

I’ve decided to “make it easy” with these 3 steps.

1.     Set a goal I believe I can achieve. My goal for this week is: I’ll make one new recipe. I’ve kept it simple and short-term. My goal wouldn’t be: I’m going to beat Bobby Flay in Iron Chef by next Halloween! My long term goal would be: to cook one new recipe every week for 3 months.

2.     Have fun while completing the goal. I’ve decided to enjoy cooking. In the past I cooked to survive, but I’ll find a way to make it fun!

3.     Be kind to myself. When I’m learning something new, I discovered it’s best to be nice to myself. If I “mess up” I won’t put myself down because I know criticizing myself will not get me to where I want to be. Instead, I will ask myself “what can I learn from this?”

These steps apply to every goal I set. Now on to recipe- hunting…

I decided to make Cauliflower Nachos. Growing up, I loved gooey, high calorie foods such as French fries, pizza, grilled cheese, stir fry, mozzarella sticks... I still love tasty food, but now I want to eat healthier, which is why I chose Cauliflower Nachos. It’s made with vegetables, but it’s still nachos! Plus, it’s easy to make. And very gooey.

I had a recipe to follow from. I started chopping cauliflower. And then I started tearing the cauliflower to pieces because it was more fun. And then I diced up the onion, pepper, cilantro, and jalapeño. At one point the jalapeno got in my eye! I chopped the onion on the same exact spot as the jalapeno. I probably won’t do that next time

             

The instructions called for a quarter cup of chopped tomatoes. I didn’t want to measure. Precision can be very tiring. (Unless it’s something easy- like 2 teaspoons of sugar.) So I picked 2 smallish tomatoes and chopped it. In the past, I disliked cooking because everything had to be “just right”, measured to perfection. I used to spend so much time measuring! Now, I approximate. It makes cooking so much easier and more fun.

            This applies to life as well. In the past, I alternated between complete perfectionist and royal procrastinator. In high school I would fold my dirty laundry. In college I would wait 2 months before doing laundry. Both resulted in unhappiness. I’m happy when I’m productive and relaxed, when I’m not focused on “making it perfect”. Meditation helps a great deal!

            I enjoy activity when there’s no “rush”. I made sure I had plenty of time to cook so I wouldn’t have to scramble. This recipe wasn’t supposed to take too long, but I set aside a nice chunk of time so I wouldn’t feel rushed. I enjoy chopping slowly. As a result, the vegetables I chop sometimes forms amusing shapes. When I chop, I try not to think of “Iron Chef” or “Chopped”. Though I enjoy both shows, I never want to be on either!

            I’m dedicated, but I don’t compete. In the past I did secretly compete with a lot of people. Then I realized: I can’t win by competing. I may “beat” my opponent one day, but next time they might come out stronger. And I always felt resentful when I competed because even when I was “winning”, there was always another person seemingly “better” than me. My life became easier after I stopped competing.

            I’ve also learned not to compete with myself. In the past, I based my self-worth on my achievements. From an early age, I believed what people said about me, about my limitations. I also wanted to make something of myself. I was in a predicament: I didn’t believe in myself, and yet I needed to succeed so that I could feel good about myself. With that mentality, I didn’t achieve my goals. When I didn’t achieve my goals, I felt worse about myself. Then I realized: I don’t have to base my self-worth on my achievements. I choose to feel good about myself. When I think of myself in high school, I don’t cringe anymore. I realized: I was always good enough. I just didn’t know it then.        

            I didn’t make a four course meal; I made 1 dish. And I was proud of myself. That’s what happens when I stop demanding perfection and stop competing. As I was eating my delicious cauliflower nachos, I gave myself a pat on the back for cooking something new. I didn’t make gnocchi or macarons, but I was proud of what I made. Cauliflower nachos are simple, healthy, and delicious. My kind of recipe.  Here’s the link to an amazing assortment of recipes, which I’m experimenting from. Next time, I’ll make guacamole.

Beachbody Recipes 

To achieve goals, believe in yourself. Don’t base your self-worth on your achievements. Life becomes easier when we stop competing with each other. And be gentle to yourself if you “mess up”. Chances are, it’s not as disastrous as it seems. It took me years to understand all of this. For much of my life, I believed the exact opposite. My life got better when I realized my self-worth.

One of my favorite books as a teenager was: Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. I wrote my memoir (links below) to give people hope. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

 Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link 

            My past mentality was that work had to be hard in order for me to get ahead. I admit, I don’t like hard work. In college I had visions of myself working 12 hour behind a desk, and living with high levels of stress. That’s why I didn’t want to graduate. Whenever I played “I Love College” by Asher Roth on my iPod I would switch songs towards the end so I wouldn’t have to hear the last line: “Do I really have to graduate? Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?” The good news is: I was wrong. Work doesn’t have to be hard. Work can be fun.

            The first step in making work “fun” is to start with something you believe you can achieve. My fastest time for the mile is 8 minutes. If my goal was to beat Usain Bolt in a race, then I wouldn’t have fun trying to reach my goal. Which is why I wouldn’t set that goal in the first place. 

            They say the hardest part is getting started. Before I start working, I get my mind into a Positive State so it won’t be difficult getting started. I’ll go on Youtube and watch Selena Gomez’s “Naturally” or an Abraham Hicks video to help me get in a Positive State.

            I watch Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube every day. Esther Hicks is the amazing woman behind Abraham. She says people feel anxious because we’re looking for results, for evidence that we’re on the right path. We complete the action, whether it’s looking for new clients, laying the foundation for a construction project, going to the gym, or joining Meetup.com, so that we can achieve results, whether it’s financial gains, a healthier body, or building relationships. Abraham Hicks advises us to trust the process.

            If looking for evidence causes us anxiety, then it’s better not to think about it. Abraham Hicks says that action is recommended. Let’s say our goal was to remodel the basement. And all of a sudden, the project gets completed (with no action). We most likely wouldn’t be as satisfied. It would have been too easy. The finished basement wouldn’t be as pleasing to us because we didn’t work on it. Imagine how Leonardo Da Vinci would feel if the “Mona Lisa” was completed in one second? I’m not sure if he would appreciate it as much.

            I’ve learned, from listening to Abraham Hicks, that work can be fun once we’re in the right mindset. When we’re absolutely sure about something, then we won’t worry about it. In the past I’ve worried about a lot of things. But I never worried that my name wasn’t Yanna. This principle can be applied to anything. The important piece is to get to the point of knowing with absolute certainty. It took a while for me to understand this, and to apply it in my life. For most of my life I did the opposite of what Abraham Hicks was telling me. I worked, hoping for results, and felt discouraged when nothing changed. In my last post I wrote: be happy first, then everything you want will come to you.

            But what if things don’t go our way? In college I worked in retail. We had to fold the clothes a certain way, and we had to make sure the hangers were facing the “right” direction. We had a set amount of time to complete our tasks. The work environment was fun, but it took longer than average for me to fold clothes. As a result my shifts were reduced; they’d have me work one day a week. So I actually went home and practiced folding with a piece of cardboard. My manger complimented me on my improvement… but I wasn’t asked back to work during winter break. I was crushed.

            If this happened recently, I would feel differently. After I found out I wasn’t getting rehired, I wouldn’t think about my job. I know that thinking about my job would make me upset. I also wouldn’t go the opposite direction and think “I’ll get re-hired next summer with a pay raise!” I would feel inner resistance with that thought.

            Instead I would picture myself standing on a beach watching ocean waves fall and rise. It would be an easier thought to think than “I’ll get re-hired next summer with a pay raise!” Oceans are abundant and calm. That would be the vibration I want with getting a job. It’s about feeling good, feeling worthy, relaxing, and trusting the process.    

            It took me years to understand this. For much of my life I had been either living in darkness, or light fog. Now I appreciate sunsets and the feeling of being alive. I’m thankful for what I have. I went to a super fun gathering recently, where I caught up with my friend, ate cupcakes, and met new people. We were in a park at sunset; the changing colors met the trees at a gorgeous angle. That was what I wanted in high school: friendships, fun conversations, and a sense of belonging. I’m happy most people didn’t go through what I experienced in school, and I’m grateful for every conversation I have. That overbearing feeling of anxiety is no longer present.  

            When we look for results it can cause anxiety. In college my anxiety was less noxious, but I still experienced it, especially during finals week! I’d rather work calmly than in a state of anxiety. To make work fun, trust the process. Know what you want is coming to you. Find thoughts to fit the vibration of fun and ease, whatever it may be. Flow is the optimal state for work, where work doesn’t seem like work. There’s a book titled “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi that demonstrates “the ways this positive state can be controlled, not just left to chance.”

            I’m grateful for everything in my life. I wouldn’t take any of the trauma I experienced back, nor would I relive it. Everything happened to me for a reasons. My book (links below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy.      

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link