Over the years, I discovered procrastination feels good in the beginning. The good feeling, for me, usually started dwindling around the 6^th episode of “Lost”. In college, I was able to convince myself that meeting up with my friends was more important than that upcoming test, because, well, the test was 5 days away. That good feeling was completely gone when it was the night before my test, and I realized there were no Sparknotes for my marketing textbook (I Googled).

            My reason for procrastinating was because I thought work was ”too difficult”. Subconsciously, I wanted to avoid pain so I did “fun” things instead. I admired (and envied) people in my dorm who “got things done”. They were the ones with clean rooms, who had enough willpower to decline my invitation for a late night trip to Oscar’s or Convenient Deli. For me, I just had to have my pizza and Gatorade at night, even if no one could join me. It was a habit I developed in the beginning of college: pizza and procrastination.

            There’s a great book titled “The Procrastinator’s Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now” by Rita Emmett. One of the tips she suggested was: start out with an organized work space. Now I make sure my desk is clutter-free before I work, but in college it was whole other story. In my memoir, I wrote about how one morning I, upon waking, was about to call the police because I thought someone had ransacked my dorm before realizing I was the one responsible for the mess.

            Having an organized work space helps us focus, and lessens distractions.  In “The Procrastinator’s Handbook” Rita states that it’s best not to read everything on our desk. It’s better to prioritize, and read the important things. She emphasizes the importance of de-cluttering. Massive amounts of paper will only lead to confusion. I’ve discovered I own several sheets of paper with a few sentences written on it. The sentences are probably a few months to a year old, so I’ve decided to get rid of them. I have a few books, a pamphlet, and a Best Buy folder on my desk. It’s easier to work when I’m not neck-deep in papers and Sprite bottles like I was in college.

            To ponder whether to “throw it away” or “keep it” Rita suggests asking ourselves:

1.     Do I currently love it?

2.     Do I currently need it?

She points out people feel a sentimental attachment to “things”, which is why I still have my tank top from 7^th grade (that I never wear) in my drawer! I remembered being upset when I couldn’t find my wide orange Gap pants with the black stripe from high school. I didn’t have a lot of clothes back then, and I would always wear those pants.

           

            “The Productivity Project” is a book by Chris Bailey detailing what he learned from his productivity experiments. In one of his productivity experiments, Chris decided to let go of all maintenance tasks for an entire week. He wore pajamas, took 3 showers during the week, ordered daily takeout, stopped cleaning, and tried to be as productive as possible. He claimed he felt terrible during the middle of the “letting go” week. As a kid, I believed I would feel excellent if I lived on takeout and didn’t do any chores. In college, I realized that wasn’t true. I realized I would have been happier if I cleaned my dorm regularly. And I remembered my friends with “Martha Stewart” dorms getting good grades in their classes. I also remember that (rare) ecstatic feeling of looking around my tidy dorm.

            Chris suggests doing rote maintenance tasks (such as cleaning the house) with your significant other to make it fun. He also suggests listening to something while cleaning. Calling someone during cleaning can also make it more fun.

            Rita Emmett suggests that planning actually reduces procrastination, and makes work more fun. In college, my method of studying was: I’m going to read the textbook straight through. That’s one of the reasons why I rarely studied. It was too painful for me. My GPA goal in college was to get an overall 4.00. I remember discussing it with one of my professors: “If I get a B- in your class, I think I can still get a 4.00! I can just retake it next semester!” (I got a C in that class, and didn’t retake it.)

            Now, I would have planned it out to make it easy. I know reading a textbook back to back would be painful for me so I would have taken notes in class. If I didn’t understand something, I would read that section in my textbook. In college, I spent a lot of time on introductory chapter pages, where they would give a general summary of what the chapter was about. Now, I would only read what was absolutely necessary. It makes life easier.

            Simplicity is key. I wouldn’t get much done if I made everything difficult. Another reason why I procrastinated was because, in college, my subconscious belief was that everything still had to be perfect. When I studied for my European history final, I made an alphabetical list of every bold term in my textbook. I decided I was going to write a paragraph for each term. I wrote two paragraphs, and closed the book. Perfectionism was too difficult to achieve, so why bother?

            Life is much easier now that I’ve stopped demanding perfectionism from myself. My productivity increases when I stop trying to “make it perfect”. I take naps when I’m tired. A few nights ago I stayed up until 1 am watching rap videos on Youtube. I didn’t feel guilty, but I knew I couldn’t do it regularly because I needed sleep. When we do things over and over again, it becomes habit. According to researchers, from University College London, it takes an average of 66 days to develop a habit. Some habits feel “good” (junk food), while others take time getting used to (waking up at 4 am). If I had to wake up at 4 am, I would go to bed at 8. I know I’ll feel energized once I get 8 hours of sleep. That’s the recommended amount for adults, but it really depends on the individual. Work becomes easier when we’re energized, when we have enough sleep. We also tend to get more done when we’re energized, which is why sleep is important. Broadly speaking, getting enough sleep reduces procrastination.

It took me years to understand what I’ve written in my blog. For much of my life I’ve lived in complete darkness. My book (link below) details my remarkable journey to happiness. It was painful to remember, but I know everything happened for a reason. I wrote my life story to give people hope. 

Book Link

            When I was a little girl I didn’t say “thank you” unless I was made to. As the years passed, I gradually understood the importance of gratitude. Having gratitude helps us feel better when we appreciate what we have. I watch Law of Attraction videos on Youtube. One of the core components to getting what we want is to feel gratitude for what we already have. Law of Attraction states that “thoughts create things”.

It doesn’t mean that if we think of something, we’ll instantly have it (which is good). Imagine the scenario: a fledgling actor thinks “I want to win an Oscar.” All of a sudden he gets a phone call saying he’s getting an Oscar delivered to his house for the 2 minute role he played 3 years ago. This keeps happening throughout the day, every day. After a while it becomes redundant because it’s “too easy”. There’s no long term satisfaction in getting things instantaneously. Rather, it’s about enjoying the process, and knowing what we want is within our reach. Good feelings speed up the process. Work becomes easier when we’re in a good mood. An easy way to feel good is through gratitude, by appreciating what we do have.  

            Our goal may be to buy a two story house near the beach. When we look at our current surroundings we’re focused on what we see (our home that’s not on the beach). There may be some resistance (but I’m not there yet! It’ll take years and years to save up). When we focus on what we’re grateful for, our mood improves, and we enjoy the journey.

            Gratitude doesn’t have to be difficult. Sometimes it’s easier if it’s simpler. I’m grateful the sun rose this morning, that breakfast was delicious, that I spent time with my family last weekend. Gratitude doesn’t have to feel like “effort”.

            I’ve heard making a gratitude list is helpful. It helps when we can physically see, in writing, what we’re thankful for. Little things are important as well. Not many people can write “I’m grateful I won the lottery today” but most of us can write “I’m thankful I have gas in my car.” “I’m thankful I have a winter coat.” “I’m grateful I found change in my pocket.” There’s no resistance when we “keep it simple”.  

            That feeling of appreciation matches the vibration of “what we want”. We want “things” (could also be intangible such as fulfilling relationships) because we believe we’ll feel better when we get them. When we focus on what we don’t have, then there’s discord. (I don’t have that house on the beach yet…) Appreciation feels “good” and feeling “good” matches the feeling of what we want when our dreams become reality. (I have a beautiful house on the beach!)

            I’ve found that it’s more helpful to focus on “what we have” than “what we don’t have”. “What we don’t have” causes anxiety, resentment, insecurity: feelings we don’t want to have in our lives. Appreciating “what we have” feels joyful, gives us control, is easy (I’m grateful I have a house to live in), and soothing: feelings we want in our lives. Joy, control are feelings we associate with getting “what we want”, whether it’s a house on a beach or a happy marriage. Appreciating what we have relaxes us, and helps us feel at ease. When we feel like we’ve already achieved what we want, then what we want will come to us quicker.

            There are success-building books such as “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield that focuses on Law of Attraction. Tony Robbins also writes about the power of visualization in his best-selling books. When I first heard of “Law of Attraction” I thought people who practiced it wore long robes and lived in isolation. Jack Canfield is the co-author of the “Chicken Soup” series, and wears a business suit on the cover of “The Success Principles”. It’s applicable to everyone, no matter what religion you follow (Jack’s a Christian), or what career you pursue. Olympic stars have used the power of visualization to win gold medals. They pictured the routine in their head, and “heard” the applause before performing the Olympic routine. Office workers have used Law of Attraction to help them improve their work relationships; business professionals have used Law of Attraction to increase sales; teachers used Law of Attraction to enjoy teaching. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay is the book that helped me understand Law of Attraction. She wrote about having gratitude in her amazing book.   

            Over the years, I gradually realized the importance of gratitude; I just didn’t initially apply it in my life. In elementary school, it seemed like the students who said “thank you” and smiled received positive attention from the teachers. As a little girl, I wanted to be one of those students who adults adored, who “glided” through school. I thought those girls had a magical formula for charisma; turns out it was simply saying “thank you” and smiling. Being appreciative goes a long way. People have landed jobs because they sent a thoughtful “thank you” note after the interview.

            With the holidays rolling around, it’s probably easier to be grateful. I’ve noticed even holiday commercials tend to be super- cheery. And there’s a song (don’t remember the title) that begins with “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” Mainstream Christmas songs are so catchy! My all time favorite Christmas song is “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by N SYNC. And I just watched “Miracle on 34^th Street” for the first time on Netflix (awesome movie). As a little girl, I felt a smidgen of gratitude during holidays because Santa Claus was constantly on TV, and standing near store entries.

            Practicing gratitude helps us focus on “what we have”. Yes, we’ll be grateful when we have a BMW, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate our Honda or Ford. There are people around the world who don’t have cars, and some of them are extremely happy. I watched a documentary featuring a man who pulled rickshaws for a living, who lived in a crowded hut with his family. Sometimes he would only have rice with salt for dinner. And yet he wasn’t miserable. He spoke about the joy he felt when he saw his children running to greet him after coming home from a long day of pulling rickshaws. We don’t have to “wait” for a BMW to experience gratitude; we can feel joy now. It’s priceless.

           

            For much of my life I’ve struggled. In the past I didn’t feel I had anything to be grateful for. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. Remembering myself as a teen, I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.                   

Book Link

The first time I heard Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” was when I was in college. There’s a line “But in your life you’ll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team. I didn’t know it at fifteen.” I didn’t know it at fifteen either. Or 20 for that matter. For much of my life I was preoccupied with “fitting in”, and worrying excessively about what people thought.

            In the past, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough” so I looked to my peers, and copied what they said. “When all you wanted was to be wanted. I wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now” is another lyric from “Fifteen”.

            If I could go back and tell myself something at 15, it would be: you have something to say. I didn’t know how to talk to people; I wanted to make friends “quickly”, but it was difficult for me.

            In college, my social skills improved, but I was still trying to “fit in”. I felt certain things were “ok” to talk about: Friday night plans, what happened during Friday night plans, shopping, my current crush, why I couldn’t get my current crush, MTV reality shows, celebrities...

There were many students who talked about other things: hiking through Mohonk Mountain, getting internships, embracing acceptance, current events, sports, interesting class discussions, fun concerts, great movies, Saturday morning plans…  

Sometimes I had fun talking about Friday night plans, but there were many times when I didn’t feel comfortable. When people were discussing how much fun they had at parties, I would join in, but in the back of my head I would be thinking I really didn’t have fun. He ignored me, and so did she. I wonder why.

I had a whole bunch of theories about why he or she ignored me at parties, and the more I expounded upon my theories, the more anxious I felt. To this day, I don’t know what people think. I can’t read minds. I’ve learned a great way to overcome social anxiety is to realize: we will never know what anyone is thinking. There’s no point in worrying about what another person is thinking if we’ll never know.  

You ever think someone was upset with you, and it turns out they were just having a bad day? I’ve found the more I seek reassurance, validation, that the person isn’t upset with me, the more insecure I become. It took years for me to become socially confident. A good way to feel relaxed during social interactions is through thinking positive affirmations. I have my own affirmation I use whenever I talk with people (pulled from a Louise Hay video on Youtube.) It’s about finding an affirmation that you feel comfortable with.  

For much of my life, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough”. That was my own belief, and it manifested into poor social interactions.  I’ve discovered the more I sought validation to affirm self-worth, the less confident I felt. Realizing self-worth helped build my social confidence. I realized self-worth not by my achievements, but by accepting myself for who I am. I chose to believe I’m good enough. Self-worth simply has to be realized, instead of “earned”. If I based my self-worth on my achievements, I will always be competitive and insecure. It took a while for me to get rid of my negative self-beliefs; remembering myself as a teenager: I know if I can become confident, then so can anyone. 

I used to feel so nervous when I met people, especially people who I thought I should impress. It helps when we see everyone as equals. I’ve found when I show genuine interest in the other person, the conversation flows naturally, and we have more to discuss. Asking questions is a good way to continue conversations when it seems like you have “nothing in common” with the other person. If they smile when they discuss their favorite sports team, ask them about it without putting their team down. It’s always important to be genuine. In college, I would purposefully root for the Red Sox during a Yankees game just to be different. Only thing was, I was a Yankees fan so it came across as fake.

            In college, there were many times when I would think did I really say that? Now it’s become: yes, I said it. Life moves on. People aren’t going to talk about that “social mistake you made” for the rest of their lives. They’re preoccupied with their own lives. And I bet everyone’s been through something similar at least once in their lives. There’s a reason why James Bond is a fictional character. He reminds me of Batman, in a sense. I think I would get along better with Spider Man or Superman.

            We all have important things to say; we just have to realize it. Social interactions are successful when we’re relaxed, when we know what we have to say is important. And yes, everyone has something of value to add to a conversation.

            Being happy is about enjoying the friendships you have. It’s not a numbers game. It’s important not to base our self worth on the amount of friends we have. It took years for me to realize that. I’ve made more friends when I stopped “trying”, and simply acted like myself. So far, all of the success-building books I’ve read (first one was “Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You”) have emphasized the importance of staying true to yourself.

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”- Dr. Suess (author of one of the first books I ever read.)  

“Stay true to you, and you will end up incredibly happy”- QuotesGram

            Some people are born with higher levels of confidence. I started out very sensitive to criticism. My early environment didn’t help, and I spent much of my life having very low self esteem. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

Book Link

Book Link

            Growing up, I disliked exercising. I only did it because I felt like I had to. In high school I was the slowest runner on my track team. Even though I was slow, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. In college, I went the opposite direction and lived on French Fries and soda. I didn’t exercise, and was constantly getting sick in the winter. Winter was “Z-Pak” season. Every college winter I would pay a visit to the campus infirmary where I was prescribed a “Z-Pak” for bronchitis. The Z-Pak lowered my fever, but it didn’t help change my habits. I was staying up too late, eating fried foods, avoiding the gym, and constantly stressing. Freshman 15 became Sophomore 20 and finally Junior 25. As a Junior, I was overweight, physically drained, and constantly coughing during the colder months. I knew I should be exercising, but the “should” didn’t become “did” until much later.

            I now exercise to be healthy. I’m happy with my weight, and I don’t stress out if I gain a few pounds. Last time I checked the scale, I saw I had gained 3 pounds, despite exercising 5 times that week. I owed the weight gain to fried ice cream and pecan pie. I also realized that I gained 3 pounds, not 30. And that it wasn’t something to stress over. Weight gain doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s important not to base our self-worth on our weight.

  

         

            I eat to stay healthy. This Thanksgiving I stuffed myself, and I’m glad I did! But I know in the long run, having copious amounts of pecan pie every single day isn’t going to help my health. I’ve also learned that there is no need for me to deny myself food. In the past, when I tried to diet, I noticed I was constantly irritated. Now I eat whenever I’m hungry, but I don’t eat until I’m over-stuffed. I notice I get tired when I’m overly-stuffed, and then I sleep and sleep and sleep. That’s why I stop eating when I’m 70 percent full, so I’m not starving or tired. It’s a happy medium.

            Growing up, I wasn’t a vegetable fan. I drink Shakeology because it’s plant-based so I know I’m getting my veggie intake. And there are vegetables (besides potatoes) I do enjoy such as eggplant, green peppers, Thai basil, onions. I prefer sautéed, flavorful veggies. The best part of Shakeology is that whenever I don’t feel like cooking, I can make it in less than a minute, and it’s chock full of veggies! Sometimes I’ll drink it as breakfast, other times I’ll drink it as a snack, depending on how hungry I am. It’s also easier to exercise when I’m not hungry.

            I prefer walking to running. I enjoy running in extremely short spurts; it feels good to know the end is very near! Walking is good exercise, as is Zumba or yoga. I take group classes at my gym after realizing I prefer classes over the elliptical. I go to my classes regularly, but I don’t push myself. The most I’ve ever lifted is 20 pounds; I normally lift 15. The classes are an hour long so I still feel the burn, but I’m not panting or overly sore the next day. I know I won’t get “ripped” by lifting 15 pounds, but I’m ok with that. I want to be able to enjoy exercising. Last weekend I went to my friend’s Beachbody Fitness class where we learned a hip-hop routine. I enjoyed it because it was a fun workout with Bruno Mars music. I felt the burn, but I wasn’t exhausted afterward.   

            In the past, I didn’t enjoy exercising because it bought back painful track memories, when I would force myself to endure unnecessary pain. But not exercising at all made me miserable as well. I realize I’m happiest when I’m regularly exercising, yet not pushing myself. I have no desire to compete in the Olympics or play professional sports; I exercise to stay healthy. When I was in college I was constantly coughing and getting sick. Now, with regular exercise, my immune system has improved, and I don’t get sick as often! Exercising cuts down doctor bills.

             

            To stay healthy, find something that you enjoy doing, whether it’s walking, skipping, rock climbing, etc.. Exercise at a pace you enjoy, whether it’s walking 30 minutes a day, or completing a Michael Phelps routine. Personally, I would never work out 6 hours a day like Olympic athletes, but there are people who can do it. It’s all about finding what suits you.

            Not too long ago, I used to get fast food after the gym. It felt good while I was eating (yes, carbs!), but afterward my stomach felt funny. My mentality was: I deserve a reward after a work out. Except fast food after the gym was more like a punishment because of the way my body felt afterwards. My body feels better when I skip fast food, and eat healthy after a work out. My dream, as a little girl, was to live on Cheetos and soda, but now I’m glad that it didn’t come true.

Like many people, I feel more energized after a work out. If you had explained this to me in college, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I’ve found that exercising helps with maintaining energy level. I’m sure we’ve all experienced it before, that I-Want-To-Keep-Going feeling after a workout. I feel that way when I don’t overly push myself, hence the reason why I stick with lifting 15 pounds! I’ve always wondered what the mind frame of a professional athlete or Olympic star is; they spend hours, every day, training. I believe many of them genuinely enjoy their sport, which is their motivation to “keep going”. From what I heard, the ones who genuinely enjoy their sport are the ones who perform well during matches. Enjoyment is important.  

Doing something fun, really fun such as kayaking, snowboarding, or playing Dance Dance Revolution definitely helps! I’ve yet to go kayaking or snowboarding, but I want to one day. Hiking with friends is fun too. I’m always super excited when I see an unexpected animal, like a beaver. I recommend doing something outdoorsy with friends; you can laugh and talk while walking down a new trail!

Exercising can definitely be enjoyable, which is something I didn’t believe as a teenager. We all have different levels of physical stamina, and enjoy different activities. Find something you enjoy, and go for it! I believe life should be easy.

My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. For much of my life I felt like I was running an endless marathon. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.   

Book Link