Ever feel nervous? Stressed out? As a teenager I suffered from severe anxiety to the point where I missed school. In college whenever I would give a presentation I would stutter like Porky Pig with a retainer. My college peers usually looked confused when I gave speeches; sometimes they would turn their heads around to save me from further embarrassment. In April 2014 I joined Putnam Speaks Toastmasters. In July 2016 I became Club President. It took me a while to feel comfortable in front of an audience. Fear of public speaking (glossophobia) is the number one most common phobia; 75 percent of the population is terrified of public speaking. As a teenager, my anxiety levels were Mt. Everest steep. My stomach would constantly hurt whenever I was in school; I was terrified of peoples’ opinions.

After joining Toastmasters in April 2014, I set a goal for myself to complete 10 speeches in one Toastmasters year. (A TM year starts in July and ends 12 months later.) Since I gave my first speech in May, I had a slight advantage. I realized I didn’t have to give a speech every month to reach my Competent Communicator goal by July 2015. 

I used notecards during my first speech and practiced 10 times before giving it. It went smoothly thanks to my practice. Yes, I consistently checked my notecards but I didn’t let that discourage me. In high school, people laughed at me whenever I stood up and spoke. Now, the audience of Putnam Speaks Toastmasters laughed with me as I talked about my college experience (including the time I hiked in platform heels).

As a teenager I was a perfectionist; I would force myself to “study” for hours (it was more like staring at my textbook due to my poor concentration). I needed straight A’s. The longer I “studied”, the less sleep I got. When I didn’t get enough sleep, I wasn’t able to concentrate in class. When I didn’t retain my lessons, my grades went down. Ironically, staying up to “study” lowered my grades! Flash forward to May 2014. This time, instead of berating myself for using notecards during my first speech, I thought to myself, “Yanna, in high school and college you would have never volunteered to give a speech. You have improved a lot.”

When I did my fifth speech (I talked about “Accounting Basics” after finishing my online accounting course) I forgot everything I was supposed to say in the middle of my speech. This was the first time in my life I spoke about Accounting to an audience. It was also the first Toastmasters speech I completed without notecards. I spoke very fast due to my nerves, and that’s when I saw the confusion in the audience’s eyes. Seeing their confusion brought me back to my high school days, and I shut down in the middle of my speech. As I was pausing, I thought to myself “Yanna, you’re worthy. This isn’t high school anymore.” When I looked at the audience I saw they weren’t laughing at me, but merely waiting for me to continue. Some of them nodded encouragingly. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and continued without a hitch. At the end of my speech some of the comments I received from my fellow Toastmasters were: “Great recovery!” “You seem to know a lot about accounting” “Chutzpuh!” My fellow Toastmasters are very kind people; they will point out the good in your speech even if you may not see it.

Had I thought negative thoughts when I forgot my lines, I might not have recovered. (Yanna, what’s wrong with you? You practiced so many times. I can’t believe you’re forgetting your lines!) I might have sat down instead of finishing my speech. Our thoughts are powerful.

I was able to give my remaining 5 speeches without using notecards. I saw improvements with each speech I gave. For my last 3 speeches I slowed down my pace after a fellow Toastmaster suggested I pause regularly.

Before I give a speech I think of events unrelated to a speech. I picture myself holding a surprise birthday party for a friend. The moments before I give a speech I imagine my friend opening the door, and being greeted with cake and sparklers. Excitement is a much better feeling than anxiety. When I give a speech I think “Yanna, you’ve practiced so many times. You’re ready. Even if you make a mistake, you’ll still be good enough.” When I stop demanding perfection from myself I begin to enjoy giving speeches! And when I enjoy my speech, the audience responds positively. It’s a win-win situation.

For people who want to improve their public speaking skills please visit www.toastmasters.org for more information. And if you live locally come visit Putnam Speaks Toastmasters! We meet first and third Wednesday of every month at 1 Fair Street in Carmel NY at 7 pm. Everyone in Putnam Speaks is very friendly. At my first meeting they all made me feel welcomed.

To conclude, don’t beat yourself up if you fall. Stop demanding perfection from yourself. And realize your thoughts can be your best friend if you choose so.  

My memoir Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness is available on Amazon. It goes further in detail about my struggles. My life story is not a fairy tale, but it does have a happy ending.     

Amazon Book Link