What Do Youtube, Hershey Kisses, and TRL Have In Common?

            I used to hate Mondays. As a little girl, I thought the Adaams family should have named their daughter Monday instead of Wednesday- Mondays were grim for me. I never was a coffee drinker, but not even Starbucks would have made me enjoy Mondays.

           

Now I no longer dread Mondays. I can’t say I prefer Monday to Friday, but I enjoy Mondays a lot more than I used to. Here’s an interesting Monday statistic: A survey in 2011 reported that the average person complains for about 34 minutes on a Monday morning, compared to 22 minutes on other days. And I also found out that “Monday” is a slang term for a large, heavy sledgehammer…

           

            On the bright side, you can usually buy cars cheaper on Mondays. And Mondays, statistically, have less rain. Eddie Murphy was born on a Monday. It really depends on how you view it. I read a story about people being stuck in traffic. Many people complained and were miserable, which was understandable considering they had been in traffic for 2 hours! And yet, there was a man who wasn’t affected by any of it. He was singing along to the radio, and drinking soup from a thermos. He said during the interview: I wasn’t even thinking about the traffic! I was thankful I had a nice cup of soup, and music to listen to.

            We choose how we react to situations. Law of Attraction states that every thought we think is creating our future, and that our feelings are an indication of whether we are on an optimal path towards what we want. We want “things” (could also be intangible, such as good relationships) because we believe we’ll feel happy when we get them. The secret is to feel happy before you get “things”, and then “things” will come to you. When I first heard about Law of Attraction I wanted to believe it, but it seemed too good to be true. And then I realized it truly does work :)

            Happiness, for me, didn’t happen overnight. It took years for me to become happy. For much of my life, every day felt like a Monday; I would wake up feeling like I was about to take my SAT’s. On the day of my SAT’s, I ended up having to retake it because I walked out of the testing room. Thinking back, I would love to hug my teenage self and tell myself “everything will be fine.”  

            And it truly will be fine. You might be late for work and your boss yells at you, but it doesn’t have to ruin your day or even your mood. Don’t think about it. It may be initially difficult to “pivot” negative thoughts, but try it and see how you do. You may be surprised to find it easier than you think! One good way to “pivot” is to think of something else entirely different, like these random facts:

1 The following can be read forward and backwards: Do geese see God

2 Hippopotamus milk is pink  

3 A small child could swim through the veins of a blue whale.

4 The first alarm clock could only ring at 4am

5 Betty Crocker isn’t a real person

6 Mel Blanc – the voice of Bugs Bunny – was allergic to carrots.

7 Before Gmail, “G-Mail” was the name of a free email service offered by Garfield’s website.

8 The dots on dice and dominoes are called 'pips.'

9 Michael J Fox’s middle name is “Andrew”

10 Gadsby is a 1939 novel by Ernest Vincent Wright with over 50,000 words. It’s written without any words that contain the letter “e”.

           Once we shift our focus, it becomes easier to think positive thoughts. When negative thoughts enter my mind, I often pivot by thinking of puppies. It’s easier to think of something unrelated to the issue (such as puppies); stress sets in when we try to come up with immediate, perfect solutions. Once we start feeling better, it becomes easier and easier to latch onto positive thoughts. And then we’re on a roll, or in “the vortex”. We’ve all been there before, when things are “just right”, when everything is fun. The good news is we can stay in “the vortex” if we choose; being happy is a choice. We all have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. 

           This post would not have made sense to me as a 14 year old. As a teenager I suffered from severe depression and OCD. My book (links below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. 

By the way, Youtube, Hershey’s Kisses, and TRL were all launched on Monday :) 

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

“Just Do It”- Nike’s famous slogan. But what if we’re afraid? We’ve all heard of the term “bite the bullet”: facing your fears. I have respect for people who face their fears. As a kid I was afraid of almost everything. I believe I was the last girl in my neighborhood to get rid of training wheels :) I’m much braver than I was before. One of my few irrational fears is worms. I just shuddered as I wrote that.

There are certain “rational” fears in life: giving a presentation, networking with strangers, asking someone out on a date, moving to a different state, taking out a loan. I remembered that knot in my stomach when I gave presentations in college (it intensified as I began speaking and saw people looking confused).

 

I assumed I would have to live with fear for the rest of my life. But then I realized I was wrong: fear isn’t beneficial for survival anymore. Fear saved us back when we lived in caves, and were in danger of being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. We still experience that same agitated, nervous feeling when we’re about to give a presentation, even though getting eaten by saber-toothed tigers is no longer a legitimate threat. And yet, we know, deep down, that we’re not going to die while giving a presentation.

Some people say that fear drives productivity. We all want to have the means to survive financially. I believe it’s a valid point, but I personally would rather thrive without that fearful feeling. 

When I give a speech I pretend I’m talking with a friend. Last week I gave a speech at Danbury’s Master Networks about my memoir. It was my first time sharing my life story with Master Networks (great organization; everyone is so helpful). I would be revealing a lot of personal, tough subjects from my past. If I worried about people judging me, then I would have stumbled and looked down during my presentation. (That happened almost every time I spoke in college.)

Instead, I chose to pretend I was talking with a friend, just one friend. I pretended I was sharing my life story with my friend: just a ten minute conversation with a trusted friend, who would never judge me. Before I began, I pictured myself enjoying my speech. During my time at Toastmasters, I learned the only thing “negative” about public speaking is fear. None of us, myself included, want to be afraid when we’re giving a speech. To combat that, I visualize myself enjoying my speech before giving it. With that mentality, I was able to give a successful presentation at Master Networks.

Everyone at Master Networks is helpful and friendly; they wouldn’t put my speech down even if I stumbled through it. But I believe I still might have felt nervous had I not visualized my speech or if I worried about what everyone was thinking. We will never know what people think; we cannot read minds. I’ve learned it’s best not to wonder what other people might be thinking.

I read a story that illustrates this. A woman was giving a presentation in front of a large audience. She was sharing motivational tips. The audience reacted well to her speech. And then she noticed a woman in the front row frowning. The frowning woman then began to sigh deeply, and she thought she saw the woman roll her eyes. This rattled the speaker, but she kept on going. At the end of the speech, during the “meet and greet”, people came up to her and told her how well she did. She thanked them, but in the back of her mind she couldn’t push out the image of the scowling woman in the front row.

 And then the scowling woman approached her. She took a deep breath, preparing to hear harsh criticism. Instead, the woman hugged her and told her how great her speech was. She was shocked; she wasn’t expecting that at all. The woman had been frowning during her entire speech! She couldn’t tell what the woman was thinking as she was frowning; she assumed the woman didn’t like her presentation because of her facial expressions. And yet, that same woman gave her a hug and a compliment! We will never know what anyone is thinking.

When I first joined Toastmasters, I was somewhat nervous when I spoke. During my first 4 speeches I relied heavily on notecards; I didn’t want to forget what I was supposed to say. After a while I decided I was going to “make it fun”. Now, whenever I construct a speech, I pretend I’m telling a story to a friend. In the past I would write my speech so it sounded “just right”, but that took effort. When I’m telling a story, it takes away the burden of effort. I’m all about having fun while working, instead of strenuous effort. It took a while for me to enjoy crafting speeches; one of the first speeches I remembered enjoying working on was Project 6 in my Competent Communicator, titled “What Makes Me Happy”. While preparing that speech I thought: what would I say to my close friend? That mindset also made my speech sound natural; I used everyday language instead of jargon.   

When I interned at a life insurance company, I was required to make cold calls because I didn’t have any referrals. I didn’t enjoy it at first; I dreaded dialing, but I pushed through. We had a quota of calls we were supposed to meet, and I met it 95 percent of the time. But I was stressed out and worried. After a while, I realized the “worst” thing that could happen was that a potential client would either hang up or curse me out, which wasn’t so scary. They weren’t going to come to my office and threaten me. I realized when potential clients say no, they’re not rejecting me, they’re only rejecting my offer. That made it easier for me to complete my dials. After a while, I began visualizing my potential clients smiling on the other end of the line when they picked up the phone. That also made it easier for me as I realized I was helping them; I began smiling when I made my dials. When I changed my mentality, people stopped hanging up on me! I began to enjoy cold calling! Granted, I didn’t get any sales through cold calling, but I was grateful I was able to enjoy my internship. It was something I never would have done in high school. Some of my fellow interns sold several life insurance policies, and I was happy for them. I no longer competed, or demanded perfection from myself.

To work without fear, realize no one knows what anyone is thinking. Find some way to make work fun. Take breaks whenever you’re tired.

Here’s a little funny story to end this post: over the summer my brother and I walked across a trail-way. It had rained the day before, and everything was still glistening from rain- drops. As we were chatting, I looked down and noticed a worm. I screamed like a banshee, and grasped my brother’s arm. I refused to look down again during the remainder of our walk. I guess I’m ok with being petrified of worms :)

It took a lot of courage for me to write my book detailing my journey from being severely depressed to finding happiness, but I’m so grateful I did. I remember myself as a teenager; I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

 Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

  

Work is a four letter word. So is love. And hate. For most of my life I hated work. Now I enjoy working. In high school I forced myself to “study”- that is, I spent hours staring at a worksheet, unable to focus. It got “better” in college. And by “better” I meant I procrastinated instead of doing work. Hanging with friends in their dorms until 2 in the morning (on a weekday!) was WAY more fun than getting my dorm-work completed. And of course, the night wouldn’t be complete without a trip to Convenient Deli and Oscar’s. That was my sophomore year weekday cycle: go to class, eat, hang out, hang out some more, go to Oscar’s for the oxtail, fried plantain special, and sleep. My weight increased while my GPA declined. To top it off, procrastinating also kept me from enjoying my time with my friends; I knew I should be completing my work and studying for the upcoming Legal Environment test, but I just simply couldn’t bring myself to leave my friends’ dorms (especially when Trey Songz was blasting from the speakers).

Studying with my friends helped (a little). A couple of my friends were business majors. We would crowd around the Student Lounge, and work on our Stats homework together. My friends paid attention in class, so they understood the difference between “skewed right” and “skewed left” immediately. They were so far ahead of me that I became discouraged. But it was nice to be able to sit down and actually get work done. I felt accomplished when I folded my Stats dorm-work (our Stats professor had us fold our dorm-work a certain way) after the end of a Friend Study Night. Some people get more done when they’re working in groups. One way to make work fun is to get together with a group of friendly colleagues and brainstorm. But it only works if you prefer group work to individual work. I’m in the process of figuring out what I enjoy more: group work or individual work. 

      

You’ve probably heard of “flow”- the optimal state for work. Flow can be described as a feeling of energized focus and enjoyment in the process of the activity, a.k.a being “in the zone”. We’ve all experienced it before. You finish the project that was supposed to take all week in 3 days. While you’re working you’re not stressed out or irritated or staring at the clock. You’re deeply focused, and when you look outside the window you’re surprised the sun has already set.

For most of college I didn’t experience flow. When I worked, I labored. Whenever I studied, I felt like I was climbing Mount Everest carrying a bag of bricks, or drinking crushed aspirins. And when I procrastinated, it felt worse. I was very unmotivated at the beginning of college, but there was one time I remembered being in flow during that “unmotivated” period.

One day, as a sophomore, I decided to hit the gym. It was my first time in the gym; as a freshman I lived on Chinese takeout. I looked around the foreign room, and found an elliptical. I got on the elliptical and began moving. My breath started getting shorter, and shorter, and shorter. Fifty minutes later I finished. My cheeks were flushed, but I felt wonderful! Then another foreign idea popped into my head: I was going to study for my Legal Environment test! Usually when a thought like that popped into my head, I push it away. But this time I scooted to Capen Hall, sat on my desk, opened my brown textbook, and studied. Usually when I studied, the first word that came to my mind was a four letter one (beginning with f or s). This time, for some reason, I was able to instantly concentrate. That sinking feeling didn’t happen. After a while, I realized I was enjoying studying. That was a brand new feeling for me. After a few hours, I put aside my textbook and went to bed (without heading to Oscar’s for mozzarella sticks and Gatorade).

The next day, after class, I went to the gym again. Fifty minutes later, I went to my dorm and happily studied. The next day I repeated the pattern. The following day was the same. This lasted for 4 whole days. On day number 5 I got invited to a party, and sunk back to my old patterns… But I did ace my first Legal Environment test! Had I kept up my work “flow” I would have aced all my Legal Environment tests, but I didn’t. I went back to over-procrastinating. Safe to say, I didn’t get an A in my Legal Environment class; after finals I was glad I even passed!

To get into flow, make sure you can concentrate first. Some people can work in noisy conditions (such as a bustling Starbucks), and others require complete silence. I tend to work best when there’s no distractions; I can’t work effectively while listening to music. And yet there are people who work best with headphones on. It really depends on the individual.

Now it’s time to “make it easy”. Put negative thoughts on hold, or, better yet, eliminate them. But what if your project is due in 3 days, and you haven’t even started?! And you have your sister’s wedding to go to that you have to prepare a speech for. On top of that, you have to make food, and clean the bathroom. And the CEO is going to watch you present the project that’s due in 3 days (that you haven’t even started). Is it possible to enjoy work at such a “stressful” time?

To enjoy work, chunk it down. Break down the huge project into “small bites”. Don’t think: I have to research and write a ten page proposal in 3 days! Think: I’m going to research for 20 minutes. Just 20 minutes. Then begin. After 20 minutes, you realize you’re not tired. And if you’re tired, you walk around and stretch. Then you keep going. I’m going to research for another 20 minutes. Just 20 minutes. After a break, you think: I’m going to write a paragraph of my proposal. Just a paragraph. Chunking it down helps us get into flow. We can all handle writing one paragraph. They say the “hardest” part of working is “starting”. Once you finish that first paragraph you want to keep going, and going, and going. Negative thoughts may hinder your progress in some way whether it’s in the form of anxiety, irritation, or procrastination. That’s why it’s important to develop a positive mind frame, and have a “can do” attitude. Positive affirmations help eliminate negative thought patterns. You may not believe those affirmations initially, but if you keep repeating, your brain will be programmed to believe. It worked for me, and the people in Jack Canfield’s book “The Success Principles”.

Chunking it down relieves stress, but it probably won’t work if you procrastinate until the last minute, and you have a 10 page proposal due in 12 hours! That’s why it’s beneficial to start work early. If you have a project due in a week, start researching the first day. Don’t do what I did in college and wait until the last minute! Take breaks while you work; you can afford to take breaks when you start early. When I’m preparing for a speech I start as soon as possible so I can enjoy preparing it. I take breaks when I’m tired. Taking breaks relaxes us, and helps us become even more productive when we start working. In college I crammed for exams. I was beyond exhausted after a night of cramming, and I usually performed average to poor on exams I crammed for. Had I studied consistently and early, I would have taken regular breaks and felt relaxed, enabling me to perform well on my exams. And being productive is a MUCH better feeling than a 9 hour Netflix binge (I know this from personal experience). It’s a win-win situation.      

A book I recommend is “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield (author of the Chicken Soup series). He was the one who introduced me to “chunking it down”. He’s also a profound believer in visualization and Law of Attraction. His book is chock-full of stories of real people who achieved their dreams by visualizing.

And finally, go to a baseball game after work. We all need time to recharge. Allow yourself time to sit in front of Netflix and ENJOY :) I love taking naps, and I’m proud of it.

My life has been very interesting. As I was writing my book, I realized I had to laugh to get through the painful bits. And I’m ever so grateful I did. 

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link