“Just Do
It”- Nike’s famous slogan. But what if we’re afraid? We’ve all heard of the
term “bite the bullet”: facing your fears. I have respect for people who face
their fears. As a kid I was afraid of almost everything. I believe I was the
last girl in my neighborhood to get rid of training wheels :) I’m much braver than I was before.
One of my few irrational fears is worms. I just shuddered as I wrote that.
There are
certain “rational” fears in life: giving a presentation, networking with
strangers, asking someone out on a date, moving to a different state, taking
out a loan. I remembered that knot in my stomach when I gave presentations in
college (it intensified as I began speaking and saw people looking confused).
I assumed I
would have to live with fear for the rest of my life. But then I realized I was
wrong: fear isn’t beneficial for survival anymore. Fear saved us back when we
lived in caves, and were in danger of being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. We still
experience that same agitated, nervous feeling when we’re about to give a
presentation, even though getting eaten by saber-toothed tigers is no longer a
legitimate threat. And yet, we know, deep down, that we’re not going to die
while giving a presentation.
Some people
say that fear drives productivity. We all want to have the means to survive
financially. I believe it’s a valid point, but I personally would rather thrive
without that fearful feeling.
When I give
a speech I pretend I’m talking with a friend. Last week I gave a speech at Danbury’s
Master Networks about my memoir. It was my first time sharing my life story
with Master Networks (great organization; everyone is so helpful). I would be
revealing a lot of personal, tough subjects from my past. If I worried about
people judging me, then I would have stumbled and looked down during my
presentation. (That happened almost every time I spoke in college.)
Instead, I
chose to pretend I was talking with a friend, just one friend. I pretended I
was sharing my life story with my friend: just a ten minute conversation with a
trusted friend, who would never judge me. Before I began, I pictured myself
enjoying my speech. During my time at Toastmasters, I learned the only thing
“negative” about public speaking is fear. None of us, myself included, want to
be afraid when we’re giving a speech. To combat that, I visualize myself
enjoying my speech before giving it. With that mentality, I was able to give a
successful presentation at Master Networks.
Everyone at
Master Networks is helpful and friendly; they wouldn’t put my speech down even
if I stumbled through it. But I believe I still might have felt nervous had I
not visualized my speech or if I worried about what everyone was thinking. We
will never know what people think; we cannot read minds. I’ve learned it’s best
not to wonder what other people might be thinking.
I read a
story that illustrates this. A woman was giving a presentation in front of a
large audience. She was sharing motivational tips. The audience reacted well to
her speech. And then she noticed a woman in the front row frowning. The
frowning woman then began to sigh deeply, and she thought she saw the woman
roll her eyes. This rattled the speaker, but she kept on going. At the end of
the speech, during the “meet and greet”, people came up to her and told her how
well she did. She thanked them, but in the back of her mind she couldn’t push
out the image of the scowling woman in the front row.
And then the
scowling woman approached her. She took a deep breath, preparing to hear harsh
criticism. Instead, the woman hugged her and told her how great her speech was.
She was shocked; she wasn’t expecting that at all. The woman had been frowning
during her entire speech! She couldn’t tell what the woman was thinking as she
was frowning; she assumed the woman didn’t like her presentation because of her
facial expressions. And yet, that same woman gave her a hug and a compliment!
We will never know what anyone is thinking.
When I first
joined Toastmasters, I was somewhat nervous when I spoke. During my first 4
speeches I relied heavily on notecards; I didn’t want to forget what I was
supposed to say. After a while I decided I was going to “make it fun”. Now,
whenever I construct a speech, I pretend I’m telling a story to a friend. In
the past I would write my speech so it sounded “just right”, but that took
effort. When I’m telling a story, it takes away the burden of effort. I’m all
about having fun while working, instead of strenuous effort. It took a while for
me to enjoy crafting speeches; one of the first speeches I remembered enjoying working
on was Project 6 in my Competent Communicator, titled “What Makes Me Happy”.
While preparing that speech I thought: what would I say to my close friend?
That mindset also made my speech sound natural; I used everyday language
instead of jargon.
When I
interned at a life insurance company, I was required to make cold calls because
I didn’t have any referrals. I didn’t enjoy it at first; I dreaded dialing, but
I pushed through. We had a quota of calls we were supposed to meet, and I met
it 95 percent of the time. But I was stressed out and worried. After a while, I
realized the “worst” thing that could happen was that a potential client would
either hang up or curse me out, which wasn’t so scary. They weren’t going to
come to my office and threaten me. I realized when potential clients say no,
they’re not rejecting me, they’re only rejecting my offer. That made it easier for me to complete my dials. After a while, I
began visualizing my potential clients smiling on the other end of the line
when they picked up the phone. That also made it easier for me as I realized I
was helping them; I began smiling when I made my dials. When I changed my
mentality, people stopped hanging up on me! I began to enjoy cold calling!
Granted, I didn’t get any sales through cold calling, but I was grateful I was
able to enjoy my internship. It was something I never would have done in high
school. Some of my fellow interns sold several life insurance policies, and I
was happy for them. I no longer competed, or demanded perfection from myself.
To work
without fear, realize no one knows what anyone is thinking. Find some way to
make work fun. Take breaks whenever you’re tired.
Here’s a little
funny story to end this post: over the summer my brother and I walked across a
trail-way. It had rained the day before, and everything was still glistening
from rain- drops. As we were chatting, I looked down and noticed a worm. I screamed
like a banshee, and grasped my brother’s arm. I refused to look down again
during the remainder of our walk. I guess I’m ok with being petrified of worms :)
It took a
lot of courage for me to write my book detailing my journey from being severely depressed to finding happiness, but I’m so grateful I did. I remember myself as
a teenager; I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.
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