Her toes felt mossy as she walked across the cool sand. It was 9 pm, and the North Carolina waves lapped gently around her. It was dark violet and crimson pink around her; the last streaks of yellow were fading. June was the best month for beach sunsets. After taking it in, she closed her eyes…

On her tenth birthday, her parents took her to Niagara Falls. They were in a boat behind the “water curtain.” She had opened her tiny mouth, and tasted the damp coolness. It was early August, but felt like mid-September behind the “water curtain”. Her little plastic bottle of Sunny Delight was in her parka pocket, still full. Her thirst was quenched even though she couldn’t drink the waterfall water. It was the first delightful gulp of Gatorade after an intense soccer game, misty raindrops on a parched camping trip, and her puppy’s tongue across her cheeks culminated in one…

She opened her eyes, and stared at the horizon. A dog was barking in the background; a slow drawl called, “Collie, come here girl.” A patter of footsteps, and the barking ebbed. She kept her eyes on the horizon, watching the patterns fall and rise. A streak of red appeared, then disappeared. The clouds changed from purple to dark blue. As a child, she had a large box of Crayola. She was a Crayola artist from age 6. To this day, she still travels with crayons. She was going to store this in her memory so she could “paint” it later…

My first concept of visualization was the Space Jam song “I Believe I Can Fly.” As a child, I thought it was catchy. I had a murky understanding of what the song meant; it wasn’t until MUCH later that I realized.

I love beaches, and I grew up in North Carolina. I haven’t been back, but I plan on visiting one day. I have vague, but pleasant, memories of North Carolina beaches. I have yet to see a North Carolina beach sunset, but I enjoy visualizing. My parents didn’t take me to Niagara Falls on my tenth birthday, but as a child, I longed to go. Growing up, I had a very strong imagination; it was my way of coping with the intense negativity around me. It wasn’t until college that I realized I could transform my imagination into reality by visualizing.            

In 1996 an experiment was performed on Visualization.

In Dr. Blaslotto’s experiment, they required a group of random students to make basketball free throws. On Day 1 researchers counted how many shots each student made, and then divided them into 3 groups and asked them to perform 3 different tasks over a period of 30 days:

First Group was not allowed to practice at all

Second Group practiced shooting free throws for 30 minutes every day for 30 days

Third Group visualized making the free throws (and scoring) every day for 30 days (no actual practice)

After 30 days, the students came back and the researchers had them shoot the same number of free throws as Day 1.

Results:

First Group (no practice) didn’t improve at all

Second Group (physically practiced for 30 minutes for 30 days) improved by 24%

Third Group (visualized practicing for 30 days with no physical practice), improved by 23%

We stimulate the same brain regions when we visualize an action as when we actually perform the action. That’s why the Visualization group performed nearly as well as the Group Who Physically Practiced. Now imagine if they visualized making the shots before, during, and after the physical practice. I believe they would have improved even more if they visualized and practiced.

Positive visualization makes “work” easier. If they visualized making “air balls” and getting booed, then they most likely would not have improved. I’m all about making work easy. I find when I start with a Positive Attitude, my work becomes easy.

In college I crammed 4 hours for an Accounting test. Fear was in the pit of my stomach as I studied; I wasn’t confident at all. When my test scores came back, I was shocked to see I only got a 74. I was dismayed, but now I understand why I got a C after studying for 4 hours. It was because I didn’t think I was good enough for an A.

I was more confident in my Media Ethics class. I paid attention, and studied regularly resulting in an A. Media Ethics was not part of my required coursework; I took it because I wanted to learn about journalism. The confidence I lacked in my Accounting courses didn’t apply to Media Ethics. Math and I didn’t get along in college.

Whenever I think of mathematics, I automatically switch gears. It’s a habit I developed over the years. In third grade I would complete my fractions worksheet after I watched TV. I assumed I never would be good at Math, hence the 74 on my Accounting test…

After college, I took a free online Accounting course offered by UPenn. My book was in the hands of my editor so I had some spare time. I set a goal to achieve “distinction”, which was the equivalent of an A. (“Distinction” was any grade above 90.) This time around, I achieved it. It wasn’t because I suddenly got smarter. It was because I changed my thinking pattern; I decided to “make it easy”. Instead of feeling defeated every time I saw “debit” and “credit” I decided to make it “fun” by rewarding myself. I made sure to consistently praise myself throughout the course. And when I got a question wrong, I thought: it’s ok you missed the problem. You’re still good enough. With that mentality, I was able to get my A. When I’m nice to myself, work becomes easier. In college my goal was the same: to get an A in Accounting. And yet, I took Financial Accounting twice because I put myself down too often. When I was critical with myself, I didn’t want to study. I would put on a dress and go bar-hopping instead. And then I really wouldn’t get anything done.

I’ve learned to be kind to myself. I’ve learned to visualize, to “make it easy”, to know “I can”. As a kid I loved Space Jam but I didn’t believe I could fly. As a teenager I remembered listening to Nas’s “I Can”, and thinking “I want to, but I doubt I can.” It’s a mentality that took me years to overcome. If you enjoy inspirational hip-hop check out “Hall of Fame” featuring will.i.am. “Who Says” and “Naturally” by Selena Gomez are two of my favorites. And if you’re looking for a fun song try “All About It” by Hoodie Allen and Ed Sheeran. 

Be kind to yourself. Believe you can do it. Visualization makes life easier. Whenever you feel stressed out, visualize yourself with your toes in the sand watching a sunset. Hear the waves splashing; feel the pulse in your veins as you realize I’m alive. There’s a reason why we’re all here. We deserve happiness :)

It took me years to find my reason. Every painful struggle helped me appreciate life more. In the past I wished I lived another life, but now I wouldn’t take anything back. My memoir wouldn’t have been written had I not gone through my difficult experiences. I wrote my life story to give people hope.    

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

        

For most of college my recreational activities were: bar-hopping, shopping, and going online. New Paltz is known for Minnewaska State Park, Shawangunk Ridge, Mohonk Mountains, and other beautiful places. In the spring students would hike through Minnewaska and The Gunks. I wasn’t one of those students. I did hike through Minnewaska one time in winter with a group of people. That day, I wore platform boots because I wasn’t planning on going hiking. My friend invited me to go hiking with his friends, and I agreed. It was my first time hiking in Minnewaska, and there were ice caps on the ground! I was walking a mile an hour, while the experienced Minnewasksaners went much faster. Luckily my friend stayed with me the entire time. I had this notion that the slower I walked, the less chance I had of falling on my face. I clutched onto my friend’s arm and didn’t say much. Everyone else was laughing and cracking jokes as we hiked, while I was visualizing “The Blair Witch Project”.  Safe to say, I didn’t enjoy that hiking trip at all!

For most of my life I stuck with what was comfortable for me, what I was used to doing. In college that meant going to P&G’s on Friday, and waking up on Saturday at noon for the China House lunch special. I now realize there were better ways to enjoy myself like hiking through the Shawangunks with a group of friends, or going to a campus play. Throughout my college years I never went to a single basketball game, or met Hugo the Hawk (mascot). I simply didn’t want to try anything new.   

Yet I don’t regret it. Life is a learning experience, and my (lack of) New Paltz experiences taught me to appreciate new adventures. Last weekend I was at the Nimham Pow Wow; it was my first time at a Pow Wow. I wanted to try something new. Something colorful. One of the dancers wore a bright purple robe as she spun. Watching the colors weave with the wind was magical :)

I still haven’t gone to a basketball game, but I went to a baseball game! My friend took me to a Mets game a while back. It was my first time in a sports stadium. Everything seemed gigantic yet tiny; I remembered looking around the enormous stadium while walking with my friend across the “concession stand beltway” (don’t know the correct term for that :) And yet, when I stared at the game below, everything looked tiny. Growing up, I wasn’t big on sports. I currently don’t play any sports, but I would love to watch a game! Especially the Lakers. Space Jam was one of my favorite movies growing up. I loved Muggsy Bogues and Buggs Bunny. My favorite scene was when Tweety Bird “distracted” defense so his team could score. I would love to take a picture with Benny the Bull! (Chicago Bulls mascot) I will put that on my “future” list.

Please don’t do the same thing I did in college by sticking with a “routine”. Try something new. Take surfing lessons. Go snorkeling on your vacation. Attend a music festival with multi-colored lights, and TONS of drums. Sample a cuisine you’ve never tried before. Watch a Netflix show you never would have watched. (I’m now loving cooking competition shows, especially “Chopped”.)  Try salsa dancing on the beach. Watch a scary movie with your significant other (perfect if one person is less scared than the other). Go ice skating in August, and try 6 Flags in the winter. Have a Harry Potter Jelly Bean Guessing Party. Host a 90’s themed sleepover. Create a uniquely flavored Slurpee. Say hi to that neighbor you’ve never officially met…

I believe in YOLO, and “carpe diem”. Seize every moment, and enjoy life! Working is different from school; we take on new responsibilities. But it doesn’t mean we have to stop “living”. Roman poet Horace introduced “carpe diem” in 23 BCE. In 2014 Oxford Dictionaries added “YOLO” as a word. We’ve always realized the importance of having fun :) Seize the day, and listen to Drake!

My memoir Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness is on Kindle and paperback. I’ve been through a lot of traumatic struggles, but I don’t regret anything. While writing the sad bits, I realized the importance of laughter.   

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

In “The Productivity Project” Chris Bailey claims people get more work done when they take regular breaks, and relax. It may sound counterintuitive, but I’ve realized it’s true!

In college my “work day” went two ways:

Year 2007: I have a test in two weeks. It’s a Biology test. Science is my least favorite subject; I only took it because I needed it to graduate. After class I go to my dorm, and log onto eonline.com. I find out Justin Timberlake is dating Jessica Biel. Then I Google 7^th Heaven because I vaguely remembered Jessica being on that show. Then for some unconnected reason I Google Adam Brody…

Two hours later, I glance up from my laptop to find it’s already 12 pm! I’m hungry, and lethargic from Internet browsing.  I haven’t started my Stats homework (due tomorrow) yet, but I did find out Leo and Kate were reuniting for “Revolutionary Road”. Then I walk two minutes from my dorm to the Student Union Building. I order fries and soda with my Student ID/ credit card. I contemplate calling my friend to see if she was going to Wing Night at Cuddy’s. Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t be going out on a Monday (especially since I was lagging in Stats), but somehow I still manage to dial her number….

2007 Midterms: I got a C on my Stats Midterm! I owed my C to my 7 hour cram the night before. My eyes were bloodshot as I walked into van den Berg Hall that day for midterms. I wished I had completed my assignments on time; I wished I paid more attention in class.

I dropped my Biology class because it was at 8 in the morning, and that was too early for me in college. I woke up every morning at 6 for high school, but waking up at 7 in college took WAY more effort. Also, I never studied for the first Biology test, which was another reason why I dropped the course…  

During the first part of college I usually crammed the night before or didn’t study at all, resulting in lower grades.  My last year was MUCH better. I was able to study consistently, and work at my internship.

After college I made more changes. I began meditating daily, and working smarter (not harder). I started typing this paragraph after I took a break. My mind was telling me: I’m tired. When I’m tired I listen to my body and take a break. Over the years I realized it’s perfectly ok that I’m not Wonder Woman, and that it’s ok to consistently recharge :).  I closed my eyes and relaxed my body. I didn’t look at the clock. When I felt recharged, I stretched and began typing again. When I take regular breaks, my mood is great! I’m also able to get more work done.

In “The Productivity Project” the author states that studies show the optimal work hours are between 35 to 40 hours a week. That may seem low to some people, but the author claims working “less” hours decreases burnout, and increases productivity! When the author worked less hours, he focused his time into those shorter hours, and took adequate breaks so he could recharge. I realize that a 35-40 hour work week may not be realistic to people who are working 2 jobs 60+ hours a week. But I found that taking breaks (even 10 minute ones) helps. Breaks help “un-fry” our brains, and our bodies if we’re performing manual labor.

Another way to relax is to develop a positive mindset. Now, when I work, I never think of the “worst possible scenario”. I focus on what I want, instead of what I don’t want. I’m a firm believer in Law of Attraction (you get what you focus on). Positive thinking also helps maintain a good mood. It’s a win-win situation. It took me a while to overcome my former negative thinking patterns. As a teenager I suffered from severe depression. In college I felt better, but was still anxious.

Now I appreciate sunsets. They’ve been there my whole life, yet I rarely took the time to enjoy them. I love taking walks around my neighborhood, and seeing people walk their “Barkleys” on leashes. (There’s a lot of giant furry dogs in my neighborhood.) Since it’s hot now, I save my walks for evenings when everything is dark blue and cooler. I mainly listen to rap music or N SYNC when I walk. I’ve enjoyed those types of music since I was a teenager. Some things never change :) 

I was in Pawling last Monday for a radio show. I listened to a meditation tape before the show, and after the show I drove to a grocery store, got food, and parked in the parking lot. It was around 7:30 pm. I closed my eyes, thought pleasant thoughts, and basked. I wasn’t thinking of the meal I was going to prepare (ramen noodles :), or worrying about the future. I was just living in the present. Living in the present is the greatest gift ever! There’s a best-selling book by Spencer Johnson called “The Present” that illustrates this. If I constantly thought of my past, I would be miserable. I’ve put the past away, and learned to enjoy the present. Outside my window there’s usually a pleasant hum during the summer months. After a while, I realized it was cicadas singing; they’re different from bird chirps, but equally enjoyable. Two days ago I found white flowers growing from shrubs. I took time to pause and admire the flowers. Last night, after my work day, I went to the library where my friend was screening an eye-opening “mindful movie”. Afterwards, I sat in the library parking lot for a few minutes, just basking, before driving off into the cool night.

It took me a long time to get here, yet I wouldn’t take anything back. Every single traumatic struggle has made me appreciate everything more. I remembered sobbing in bed as a teenager, wishing the ceiling would collapse. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone. My book: Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness is on Amazon. Please enjoy!  

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

During my first years of college, I was subconsciously angry. I didn’t regularly lash out at people, but I was sullen and moody. I’m sure people noticed. I was angry because I remembered what happened to me in high school. All the names people called me. All the things my mother said to me over the years. (Yanna, you're lazy and stupid.  You can't handle anything. You’re useless.)

My stomach was in pretzels; I felt rage course through my body. It was very unpleasant. During my last year of college, I re-read “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay (Please read the book; it’s AMAZING). She claimed the way to happiness is to forgive your tormentors, and to love and accept yourself. 

It was my second time reading it. The first time I read it, the words didn’t sink. I wasn’t ready to forgive my tormentors or love myself. The second time around, I decided I was going to make changes; I was going to learn how to forgive.

I found the easiest way to forgive people is to (initially) not think of them. I held a lot of resentment toward my mother back in the day. It would be too difficult for me to release my anger by thinking “My mom is the most amazing mother in the Universe”. So I stopped thinking of my mother. No good thoughts or bad thoughts; I just stopped thinking of her. It was easier that way. My mood improved as a result. During my senior year of college my mother and I shared a simple phone call. She wanted to make sure I had enough money on my ATM card. I thanked her, and was reminded of the shampoo she sent last month.

My mother cares about me. She shows her love through her actions such as cooking and cleaning, and making sure I had enough shampoo (in college!). Her words may be harsh, but I know she has my best interests at heart. I know she never meant to hurt me.

After I forgave my mother, it was like a gigantic anvil off my chest. I began to enjoy myself. In the past, anger kept me from enjoying life. 

When I forgive my tormentors, I’m free. I no longer feel fire in my veins, or knots in my stomach. I begin to see things from a different point of view.

I remembered the time Grandma made my mother cry in 2009. She yelled at my mother using very demeaning language. I saw my mother cower underneath her mother. Now I understood why she treated me the way she did. It was a pattern she learned from Grandma. Granted, no child deserves to be called “useless” by her own mother, but it helped explain why she said those things.

After I forgave my mother, I was able to see the good in her. The meals she cooked, the sheets she washed, the concern in her voice when I didn’t pick up my phone. I told my mother I wrote about her in my memoir. She said it was okay, and that she was proud I had written a book. 

My mom and I get along MUCH better now. A few nights ago we watched the Olympics together; she made some funny comments, and I laughed with her. Her eyes light up when she laughs.

Forgiving my mother and my former tormentors helped me become happy. It didn’t happen overnight, but the first step for me was re-reading “You Can Heal Your Life”.

I recommend reading (and re-reading) “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.  Truly an inspiring, magnificent, helpful book!

My memoir Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness is now available on Kindle (link below) as well as paperback. People see me smiling, but there’s always a story behind a smile. :) 

Kindle Book Link

Paperback Book Link

Since I was 12 I’ve had this desire to be cool. Back when I was in middle school Abercrombie was “it”. All the cool kids wore it. I didn’t own anything from Abercrombie; the closest thing I wore that resembled “preppy” was a dark green striped long-sleeved shirt with “American Outpost” etched on the shoulders. I wanted to be one of those girls who wore and spoke “Abercrombie”, who made being cool seem effortless as flossing teeth. So I tried. And tried. And tried. I set a goal to be popular by high school. Despite my efforts, by college I was still nowhere near “cool”. In college my definition of cool was: pregame, Friday night party, bars, after party. I did experience those events (in that order) but I was not really “cool”. I lacked confidence. I didn’t look people in the eye when I spoke to them, and I made random comments thinking it would draw attention, but instead I got weird looks. Did I drink? Yes, I did. Did I bar-talk? Yes, I did. Did I have fun? No, not at all. Sometimes I would sleep until 2 pm the next day, and miss assignment deadlines. I always felt super lousy when that happened.

After a while I realized the coolest people do not conform. They are passionate about things that may not be stereotypically cool, but they embrace it. They proudly share their Star Wars memes and wear giraffe t-shirts. They don’t care what people think; they’re happy with themselves. Now that I’m comfortable with myself, I realize the “coolest things are not cool”. You can interpret that however you want :) If I’m at a party I would love to talk to somebody about Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I had the biggest crush on the Red Ranger :) People react better when I’m authentic and not talking about how I’m “so getting trashed this weekend”.

Recently, when I was out, I had a conversation with a guy. He said he was studying to be a doctor. If I had met him back when I was a college sophomore I would have said, “Cool. So what’s your favorite drink?” That’s the reason why I never got the guys I wanted :) This time around, I asked him questions. He started telling me about medicine. I paid attention, and asked him questions. Then we started talking about hip-hop artists, and he gave me a name of an artist I needed to listen to. At one point of our conversation, Pokemon and Bowling For Soup were mentioned. Not once did “I’m so getting wasted” or “I’m not drunk enough!” escape from my lips. And I have to say I enjoyed myself WAY more than I did as a college sophomore. 

During my first years in college I was stuck in “high school mode”.  I wanted to be accepted and “cool”. I did make some wonderful, lasting friendships in college, but I wasn’t initially confident (especially on Saturday nights at P&G’s). My confidence developed during my last years in college; it was a learning experience. 

When I was 12 I learned the secret to social proficiency from a teenage self-help book: be yourself, embrace who you are. It took me around 10 years to fully understand it, but I’m grateful I finally did :). I know if I can become social, then so can anyone.  

This is from the chapter “I Dream In Abercrombie” in my memoir “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness”. I thought it would tie in nicely with this post. I’m 12 years old, and entering American middle school for the very first time.

Up until that morning, I had only seen lockers on Saved By The Bell. For a brief time I was overjoyed, but after twenty minutes of fajangling with mine I wished they never made it past the telly screen. By then the hallways were empty. With my backpack over my shoulder, I scrambled to my class in Room 106 and was faced with a dilemma at the door. In China, students were supposed to knock and shout “Present” when late, but I had no idea what the policy was in Ohio. After a whole minute of deliberation, I creaked open the knob and shuffled in.

            “Ms. Mara, there’s a new student standing at the door. I think she should introduce herself. She looks really scared,” a boy with spiky hair shouted. His words unleashed a punch of laughter in the room. I shifted uncertainly from foot to foot, and they laughed even louder.

            “Quiet down, quiet down. No need to intimidate her.” The teacher walked over. “I’m Ms. Mara, just as Jesse said. You’ll get to meet everyone later, but for now why don’t you take a seat. Oh, and before I forget, what’s your name?”

            I barely paid attention in class because I wanted to make a good first impression. I straightened myself in the chair then slouched when I saw most students doing so. Several students were snapping their gum, and I made a mental note to bring a pack to school.

            All the boys had on baggy jeans or khakis with sweaters or checkered button-downs. A few wore t-shirts. Girls wore makeup or at least a hint of color on their lips. Tightly fitted shirts emphasized hints of pubescent bosom. Flared jeans and platforms seemed to be the popular choice for bottoms. Nothing in my closet could come close to the outfits my classmates wore.  Cologne and perfume choked the air, and everyone’s hair seemed freshly washed. In China we had to use public showers which meant I only got to shower once a week at most, as did most of my classmates. No one notices B.O. when everyone smells equally bad, but now I could already see a few noses sniffing in my direction. I didn’t say a word in any of my classes and nobody noticed me.

            I hoped to find Rita in the cafeteria, but we had different lunch periods. Scanning the crowd, with quavering hands clutching my Styrofoam tray, I timorously walked over to a group of girls.

            “Can I sit here?”

            The posse stared at me for a few seconds then resumed their chatter. None of them said anything to me the entire lunch period. I sat a few chairs away listening to them talk about how hot someone named Justin Timberlake was.

            A week passed and no one talked to me besides Rita. I was too timid to initiate conversation so I observed my classmates. Cliques infested Ryder Middle School. The group which grabbed my attention consisted of Caucasian celery diet girls. They were always boisterous when together, but spoke to no one when alone. Later I found out that was called snobbery. The leader of the group was an energetic, fast-talking girl named Erica Tate who ruled with the fist of Nero, whose social acuity matched the crispness of her Abercrombie t-shirts. Her group would often burst into hit songs in the middle of the hallway, and for some reason could never get enough of slapping each other on the ass.

            I was no different from the rest of the school—I wanted to be one of those girls, the “Glitzes” as I called them. Yet I knew the chances of being accepted into their posse was about as remote as Rita failing Algebra. But everything changed one day during Spanish class, all starting with a guy who was just as vertically challenged as me (an oddity in the land of milk and hormones).

 

You can now read parts of my memoir using the “Look Inside” option on Amazon. The link is below; please enjoy!

Amazon Book Link

Growing up I was a very shy girl. I would do anything to avoid the spotlight because I didn’t want people to laugh at me. During my elementary school ballet recital I pictured tomatoes being hurled at me. In middle and high school, I obsessed over what people thought of me. If someone didn’t like me, then my day was ruined. I spent most of my adolescent years in misery.

And yet I wouldn’t take any of it back. Life is a learning experience. I am a much stronger person than I was all those years ago. I never would have been able to be on a TV show as an adolescent. I was just on “One on One with Vin Dacquino” to talk about my life story. Last year I was on “Let’s Talk Writing” (also hosted by Vin) to discuss Toastmasters.  Here are the things I did before the show.

The day before the show (both times) I would record myself on my iPhone. Seeing myself on the phone screen helped me; it was a precursor to being on the show.

The morning of 8/3/2016 I woke up with a little stomachache. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst), it was probably a 3. It was bearable; I wasn't going to miss Vinny's show! I always start my mornings with a Law of Attraction video on Youtube. That morning, I watched it twice. Then I meditated for 20 minutes. Afterwards, I said my Positive Affirmations in the mirror. Finally, I looked in the mirror and said several times, “Yanna, great job on the interview. You enjoyed it.” I visualized myself having fun during the interview. Visualization definitely helps. There was a study involving 3 groups of basketball players. First Group practiced for 20 minutes each day. Second Group visualized themselves making free throws (no practice). Third Group did not practice or visualize. During the free throw test, the Visualization Group improved significantly; they were nearly as good as the people who practiced! 

It's also good to be practical, and take care of basics (like a slightly upset stomach).For breakfast  I decided I was going to eat only bread, and drink water because of my stomach. No scrambled eggs today! My stomach felt better after breakfast, which consisted of 2 pieces of toast.

I met up with Vinny, Renee, and Deanna (who were also going to be on the show that day) at 9:15 in Starbucks. I ordered a dry bagel, and sipped my water. I needed food before the show; I work best when I'm 75 percent full. We discussed what we were going to talk about in Starbucks. I had notes covering some key points, and Vinny is a wonderful television host. He is a natural speaker, and has the ability to make his guests feel comfortable. And he’s also the leader of the Mahopac Writer’s Group!

In the studio, I wanted to be as relaxed as possible. I decided I was going to look at Vinny the entire time, and pretend it was just me and him in the room talking to each other. I wasn’t thinking about who might be watching; that would have made me nervous!

During the interview I focused on Vinny’s words, and spoke like myself. Being myself helps me relax. In college I was constantly trying to impress people, and I always felt "off" when I didn't act naturally.  

Observing myself on my iPhone the previous day also helped me feel comfortable during the actual interview. I have been going to Vinny’s Thursday Writer’s Group for the past 2 years, so that also helped.

I wrote “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness” to give people hope. The hardest part of writing my memoir was the editing process because I had to reread every struggle I had been through. Yet I know everything happens for a reason. I believe people have inner strength and perseverance. There are so many stories of people who thrive! I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone. The interview could be seen below; I’ve also included the book link. Please enjoy!         

My Interview With Vinny

Amazon Book Link

Winter 2012- I’m watching “Lost” on Netflix. It’s my seventh episode. I spent 7 hours staring at a screen, but it isn’t enough because I only have two more episodes left, and I need to know what happens if they leave the island…

Two hours later, and my eyes are stinging. I found out what happened, but my brain is numb. I’m too lethargic to get up from the couch, and I feel horrible. I was supposed to write 2 pages of my book today, but somehow the love triangle between the cute doctor (Jack), Evangeline Lilly (Kate?), and the rebel (Sawyer?) was more important.

You know the feeling you have when you get a D on an exam because you didn’t study? Well, that was how I felt almost every day during Winter 2012. I had plans to write a book, but I just couldn’t bring myself to write. Some days I would get a few pages in, but it wasn’t consistent. My Writer’s Block was seemingly permanent. And my mood suffered because I wasn’t getting work done.

One day, I decided I had enough. I was going to stop this cycle of procrastination. I went to the Dollar Store with my friend, bought a calendar and a book of stickers. Those two items were going to help end my procrastination cycle.

I told myself I was going to write 4 pages a day, and 2 pages on weekends. And I was going to go to the gym 5 days a week for an hour each day. For every day I completed this, I would get a bright sticker on my calendar page.

I looked forward to that bright sticker; I realized the only way I could achieve it was if I “made it easy”. I decided I was just going to write. It didn’t matter if the content wasn’t great; I was simply going to sit down and write.

When I stopped demanding perfection (or even greatness) from myself, the words started flowing. My Writer’s Block retired. Looking back, I realize most of the things I wrote wasn’t extraordinary; I was simply filling pages, and getting my creative juices flowing. I admit, I didn’t use much of the original content in my final book. (The first manuscript is still on my bookshelf.) But I was getting work done, and going to the gym! I was being rewarded with shiny stickers. I was Productive! And I was still getting my “Lost” binges in on weekends.

After a couple of months, I stared at my calendar of shiny stickers, and gave myself a pat on the back. But I wasn’t completely happy. I was tired from constantly typing on my computer, and my routine became monotonous; I was on auto-pilot. At that time, I didn’t spend much time with my friends. It was writing, gym, and Netflix.

When I was on a cruise with my family, I realized how much I was missing. My brother and I went “clubbing” (don’t know if that’s the right term for a ship J), and we met some really fun people. Talking with them reminded me of college, and all the fun times I had with my friends. 

I realized I needed to have a social life! Fortunately I had a college friend who didn’t live far from me, and a few other friends who weren’t too far away. Sometimes we would go to SUNY New Paltz, which was a lot of fun. (I really missed those ducks J.)

In April 2014 I joined Toastmasters which expanded my friendship circle, and helped me venture outside of my comfort zone. And then my Toastmaster friend introduced me to the Mahopac Writer’s Group. I started going there every Thursday, which was a lot of fun. I loved the conversations we had, and we bonded over literature and writing. Everyone in Writer’s Group is interesting; we all have unique styles of writing. And everyone there is nice; they all welcomed me from the moment I stepped in. We always went out to eat afterwards, and the conversations would continue for hours! It was beyond awesome. (And still is J.)

Even though I was making new friends, and being productive, my mood still wasn’t the greatest. I was somewhat content, but a part of me was dissatisfied. I remember walking into the mall during the summer, and having that “blah” feeling envelope me.

In November 2014 my friend introduced me to Abraham Hicks, which is a series of videos on Youtube which focuses on Law of Attraction. I started listening to Abraham Hicks, and saying positive affirmations every single morning. My mood began to pick up. And then I added meditation into the mix. Meditation helped me a lot; I meditate 20 minutes every day. Practicing meditation helped me realize that negative thoughts are powerless. The purpose of meditation is to be still, and “not think”. When a thought comes in, I clear it. It’s hard for me to completely clear my mind. Even now (I’ve been meditating daily for over a year) I’m fortunate if I get 10 seconds of “stillness” in! But I am MUCH more relaxed than I was before I started meditating.

I bought “The Productivity Project: Accomplishing More by Managing Your Time, Attention, and Energy” by Chris Bailey (excellent read, I recommend it) beginning of this year. The author explains that people accomplish more when they are relaxed. When he was working 70 hours a week, he didn’t get a lot accomplished because he was burnt out. He goes into detail about finding your optimal working hours.

One day I edited 100 pages of my memoir, and went to the gym for a workout afterwards. I was proud of my achievement. Only thing was, a few days later I found myself staring blankly at my computer screen. My mind refused to focus because I was exhausted. Two hour later, and I had not written a single word!

I then took the advice offered by “The Productivity Project”. I decided I was going to take a break every time I felt tired. It was easier said than done. Some days I still kept going even though I was tired. I noticed I usually got less work done the following day after I “binge-worked”.

My mood is wonderful when I take breaks! I don’t feel guilty about taking breaks because I know that taking necessary breaks actually increases productivity. I don’t set a timer for relaxing. I just close my eyes and relax. Sometimes I’ll listen to music. I try not to stare at a computer screen when I’m in that state. And I realized that listening to hardcore rap doesn’t help me relax. I tend to listen to boyband music or Selena Gomez when I relax. (I save Jay- Z for car rides.)  And yes, I do get more work done when I’m taking regular breaks.

Enjoying work is possible if you relax. I recommend taking regular breaks, and reading “The Productivity Project” by Chris Bailey. And spending time with friends helps as well. Most importantly, don’t feel guilty when you take breaks. In some countries, “siestas” (afternoon naps) are common.   

          

I Have A Ninth Grade Playlist

“So what type of music do you like?” Someone asked me.

I thought of the best way to phrase it, “I have a ninth grade playlist.” I then explained, “I listen to mostly boyband music, and hip hop.”

My favorite band since seventh grade is N SYNC. In high school I began listening to hip hop because I thought that’s what cool kids listened to, and I wanted to be cool. The cool part didn’t work out, but the hip hop remained. J In high school I loved Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, B2K, Dreamstreet, and I didn’t know who “The Doors” were until I was 18!

In college I (unsuccessfully) tried to broaden my music horizon. I went to Oasis a couple of times. Oasis is very relaxed, and mellow. Lots of unique bands. I loved the Oasis vibe, but I preferred P&G’s music. (They played a lot of hip-hop.)

I was introduced to Taylor Swift in college. She’s still one of my favorites. Over the past few years I decided I was going to embrace who I am, and stop trying to “fit in”. I thought my playlists would have a lot more Alanis Morissette and The Clash…

Ironically, I only have one Alanis Morissette song on my iPhone, and a whole playlist dedicated to N SYNC. One of my playlists is titled “Bubblegum”, and it contains One Direction, Cody Simpson, and Austin Mahone. I still find those songs catchy. And I can never get enough of throwback Britney Spears!

As a child I loved thinking. Thinking is still my favorite pastime. As a teenager I tended to over-think to the point of exhaustion. Music helped me forget. 

Now when I listen to music, I tend to listen to songs that don’t have a lot of meaning. It’s fun, catchy, and puts me in a good mood. I admit, I still occasionally listen to Eminem. I realized I don’t have to follow a straight line; I realized I don’t have to conform to self-imposed “Positivity Principles”. I don’t believe in perfectionism anymore. (French fries is my favorite food.) Perfectionism is tiring; as a teenager it wore me out.  I now accept the fact that I’m a unique individual who loves mainstream music.