I have a habit of thinking short phrases in Mandarin. Mandarin was the first language I knew. Most of my thinking is in English, but throughout the day, Mandarin phrases occasionally pop into my head. I was very young when I came to America, and it took a while for me to think in English. When I moved back to China, as a ten-year old, I gradually relearned how to think in Mandarin. Habits take time to form. Dr. Maxwell Maltz claims it takes 21 days to form a habit; University London College researches say it’s more like 66 days, and other sources say it takes 90 days. I believe it varies for each person.

            As a little girl, I had a soda and juice habit. When there wasn’t any soda in the house (there rarely was), I would drink juice. When there wasn’t juice in the house, I would go thirsty until there was juice in the fridge. My first request, upon landing in America as a five year old, was for a can of Sprite. I requested it in Mandarin to my dad, who gladly bought me a bottle. Drinking sugary drinks was an easy habit for me to develop as a little girl. Not many grown-ups supported my habit, but I didn’t care. I carried this habit (and all of its consequences) with me to college.

            Water doesn’t taste as exhilarating as soda, but I’ve learned to love water, after realizing I feel better when I drink water. As a kid I developed a habit of drinking only when I was parched. On average, I drank 2 cups of liquids a day, sometimes less. Even today, I have to remind myself to hydrate regularly after spending much of my life with “camel drinking habits.”

            Drinking little to no water was a negative habit. Thinking short phrases in Mandarin is a neutral habit. Meditating daily is a positive habit that I developed over time. It’s extremely relaxing, and was easy, for me, to develop. A difficult habit for me to maintain would be running for a mile a day. While driving, I sometimes see runners, (not wearing jackets!) puffing gusts of air in the frigid cold. They look lean, as if they’ve been doing this consistently. I admire their tenacity.

            A good way to develop habits is through giving ourselves rewards. When I first started writing my memoir, I set a goal: I was going to write four pages daily during the week, 2 pages daily on weekends, and exercise 1 hour Monday through Friday. For every day I did that, I would get a bright animal sticker on my calendar page. I’ve always loved cutesy things. Before I started my sticker habit, it was incredibly difficult for me to write consistently. I was very fortunate if I wrote consistently for 3 days! Before my sticker habit, I let Writer’s Block take over, and developed a “Lost” bingeing habit.

            It’s about finding a reward that works for you. For some people a long term incentive could be a trip to Six Flags. I’m terrified of roller coasters, so I would never consider that, but some people enjoy the thrill. I picked stickers because it’s something I could use daily without any negative side effects (as opposed to eating a sundae every day I completed my goal).

            I’m grateful I was able to maintain writing, but I would probably set a different goal now. My first manuscript is still on my book shelf; I did not use a single word from that manuscript on my final copy. Still, it was excellent practice, and I’m glad I have that manuscript.          

            Throughout my life, I had difficulty beginning a task. I thought it was odd until I read some motivational books. For many people, the hardest part is getting started. I used to set gigantic goals for myself: I’m going to read 80 pages of my textbook today! On a productive day, I’d maybe read 8 pages. Now, I wouldn’t set that goal. Instead I would say to myself: I’m going to read 2 pages. Two pages is easy. After two pages, I would read two more. It’s a thrilling feeling when we reach our goals, so our subconscious wants to keep going, after realizing how easy it is to read 2 pages. Taking breaks also helps when our heads or bodies start to feel “wooden”. I’ve found I’m much less productive when I’m tired. If I had to write a scholarly essay after working 8 hours on a hands-on project, I probably wouldn’t get very far. I’d be too tired to concentrate. My habit of taking short breaks whenever I need to helped increase my output. This has worked for many other people as well. It’s wonderful that resting actually increases productivity!

            The rewards of having helpful habits are enormous. I’ve learned Un-Productivity feels awful. During my most Un-Productive period, I was overweight, lethargic, and stressed. Helpful habits eliminated the consequences of un-productivity.

            As I mentioned before, a difficult habit for me to maintain would be jogging a mile a day. There’s currently no need for me to develop that habit, but if I had to (i.e for marathon training) I would go about it this way:

            First off, I’d find out exactly how much distance a mile covers. From what I remember, 4 circles around a track is a mile. I’m planning to run around my neighborhood so I wouldn’t have access to clear cut distance, like I would on a track. I’d invest in a Fitbit or any device that could accurately measure how much I run. This eliminates “guessing”. When it comes to exercising, I’ve found it helps to be specific about the outcome. “I’m going to do 3 sets of 10 reps arm raises with 8 pound weights” is clearer than “I’m going to do some weight lifting today.”  

            During my first week, I would alternate between walking and jogging with the aid of my new tracking device. I wouldn’t start off running a mile. First week, I’d probably walk ¾ of a mile, and jog ¼ of a mile. Self-encouragement is important when we’re starting something new. When I was on my high school track team, I would criticize myself relentlessly, and push myself to the limit. I started off as the “slowest runner on my team” Freshman year, and ended the year with the same title. Negative self-talk hurt me in the past, and made work much harder.

            Developing habits doesn’t have to be painful. Over the years, I’ve learned to relax and “take it easy”. I’d realize there’s no need for me to push myself to run 3 miles that first day, especially since I’m not a runner. For a while, I’d walk more than I would run. I’d gradually build up my stamina. After a while, I’d jog half a mile as opposed to a quarter of a mile. Once I’m comfortable with that, I’d jog three quarters of a mile. Gradually building up will allow us to “enjoy the process”.

In conclusion, developing good habits doesn’t have to be difficult. Taking breaks and rewarding ourselves helps with maintaining habits. Positive self-talk eases the process. Gradual build-up, “taking baby steps” also helps with sustaining habits. I believe it’s possible for anyone to develop helpful habits. Take it from someone who ate French fries for every lunch in high school (and throughout college).

My autobiography “Fall and Rise: My Journey to Happiness” is available on Amazon (link below). I wrote my life story to give people hope that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.       

Amazon Book Link

            According to history.com, 45 percent of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions. I’m not one of the 45 percent. I’ve never made a serious New Year’s Resolution, and I’m not planning to this year. I’m much more motivated than before, but I realized setting a New Year’s Resolution didn’t sit well for me. Over the years I’ve realized it’s about finding a solution that works for you. The beauty of humankind is that we’re all individuals. In college, I thought I was a night person because many students were more productive at night. I would stuff myself with food, and attempt to study at 8 pm in the student lounge. After college I realized I focused better during the day. Around 8 pm my gears tell me to slow down. And I listen.

            The habits I developed in the past made life more difficult. I kept them because it felt good to order takeout, and hang out with my friends instead of studying. Throughout my life I alternated between “letting go” and being overly severe with myself. Neither helped. In college, I noticed there were students who got good grades, had a healthy social life, exercised regularly, and maintained a clean dorm. Habits are helpful for getting “what we want”.  And yes, having good habits can actually be fun. Like many people, I feel excellent when I’m productive and not pushing myself to the limit.

            Increased productivity feels great, but it doesn’t have to be “hard”. Growing up, I was taught I had to work hard to get to where I want to be. I was agitated, irritated, anxious, and insecure. Life became easier when I discovered another way. I listen to Law of Attraction videos on Youtube every morning. I’ve read numerous self-help books. I’ve discovered there’s a way to combine the two to enjoy work.

            Law of Attraction states “thoughts create things” and feeling happy helps us get to where we want to be. I listened to a video today, where a man asked Abraham Hicks: “well, if I want money do I just sit there and think about money? And not do anything at all?” Abraham replied “focusing is doing something. Action won’t feel like action if we’re enjoying the process.” There are people who love their jobs, who don’t need a vacation from their work.

            The self-help books I’ve read focuses on turning dreams into reality through action. And none of the books say: “In order to be successful you’re going to have to work 12 hours a day, 365 days a year. And you have to be miserable on top of that.” 

            In the past I believed I would have to work long, tiring hours to get ahead, which was why I procrastinated. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my goals in college was to get a 4.0. I didn’t achieve it. Life is a learning experience, and I don’t regret any of the choices I made in college. They’ve helped me become the person I am today. And yes, if I realized what I know now, I would go about it differently. I’d do this instead…

SUNY New Paltz

First off, I would invest in a nice pair of sneakers. I plan on hiking through Lake Minnewaska and walking on the indoor track at the gym. Exercising keeps people energized and healthy. I’d go to the gym at least 3 times a week, and finally meet Hugo the Hawk (mascot). The classes I’d pick would be: 2 business classes, 3 general education. I wouldn’t change my major: Marketing and Management, but I would take the business core curriculum courses as soon as possible. In college, I waited until sophomore year second semester to take Stats I, which was cutting it super close! And I didn’t take a Foreign Language until my last semester, which was needed in order to graduate. Thankfully I was already fluent in Mandarin so I was able to bypass the first Foreign Language course, but I wouldn’t do that now! Having a goal plan, knowing the “next steps” definitely helps. 

In college, I would daydream in class and rarely asked questions. This time around I would pay rapt attention, and take short, legible notes. When we pay attention, we understand things a lot quicker, and it saves us from unnecessary Googling later. And I wouldn’t feel hesitant asking my professors for clarification, if I needed it. I’ve found asking questions makes work go by “faster”, and produces quicker results. (When I’m in the city, I ask for directions if I don’t know how to get there. It speeds up the process, and reduces the “I’m so lost” feeling.)  

In my dorm I would set aside time every day to study, but I wouldn’t set aside a specific amount of time. I know there’ll be days when I’ll study more than others. I know that studying regularly will prevent stiff-neck cramming sessions and tachycardia later on. And it’s such a thrill when we’re “in the zone” and focused. I’ve learned that I study best when I’m by myself with no music in the background, so I would work from my dorm instead of the Student Lounge. I’d keep my phone on silent during study time, and hang out with my friends afterwards. Relaxation is important. I’d also keep my habit of taking naps whenever I need to.

Most importantly of all, I would believe I Can. I would visualize staring at my (digital, no more report cards!) 4.0 at the beginning of the semester, and I would keep that image in my head, and bring it up as often as possible. I wouldn’t let a 70 on a quiz block that image out. I’ve learned that criticizing myself only worsens things. Instead I would think: It’s ok that I got a 70 on my first quiz. What can I learn from this so I can get an A the next time?

Life is a learning experience. We crawl before we walk. We walk before we run. We wouldn’t expect ourselves to go from crawling to running. It took years for me to learn to be kind to myself. Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life” (the book that changed my life) states the one issue everyone struggles with is not feeling “good enough”. She says when we release that inner belief, our lives work on all levels. And so far all of the motivational books I’ve read have emphasized the importance of self-confidence. As a teenager, one of my favorite books was “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul”. In the book, wearing the “right” clothes and having “status” didn’t win lasting friendships. Confidence and kindness did.             

In conclusion, we already know the best way to reach our goals, even if it may not initially seem like it. Learn from others, and trust your instinct. I’ve learned so much valuable information from people in my networking groups. Find a solution you feel comfortable with; trust your inner voice. Have confidence, and know it’s working.

For most of my life I didn’t have confidence. It took me years to realize self-worth. I’ve been through the darkest pits of personal suffering, but I don’t regret anything. I wrote my book (link below) to give people hope that happiness is attainable, no matter what our past circumstances may be.  

Book Link

            Over the years, I discovered procrastination feels good in the beginning. The good feeling, for me, usually started dwindling around the 6^th episode of “Lost”. In college, I was able to convince myself that meeting up with my friends was more important than that upcoming test, because, well, the test was 5 days away. That good feeling was completely gone when it was the night before my test, and I realized there were no Sparknotes for my marketing textbook (I Googled).

            My reason for procrastinating was because I thought work was ”too difficult”. Subconsciously, I wanted to avoid pain so I did “fun” things instead. I admired (and envied) people in my dorm who “got things done”. They were the ones with clean rooms, who had enough willpower to decline my invitation for a late night trip to Oscar’s or Convenient Deli. For me, I just had to have my pizza and Gatorade at night, even if no one could join me. It was a habit I developed in the beginning of college: pizza and procrastination.

            There’s a great book titled “The Procrastinator’s Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now” by Rita Emmett. One of the tips she suggested was: start out with an organized work space. Now I make sure my desk is clutter-free before I work, but in college it was whole other story. In my memoir, I wrote about how one morning I, upon waking, was about to call the police because I thought someone had ransacked my dorm before realizing I was the one responsible for the mess.

            Having an organized work space helps us focus, and lessens distractions.  In “The Procrastinator’s Handbook” Rita states that it’s best not to read everything on our desk. It’s better to prioritize, and read the important things. She emphasizes the importance of de-cluttering. Massive amounts of paper will only lead to confusion. I’ve discovered I own several sheets of paper with a few sentences written on it. The sentences are probably a few months to a year old, so I’ve decided to get rid of them. I have a few books, a pamphlet, and a Best Buy folder on my desk. It’s easier to work when I’m not neck-deep in papers and Sprite bottles like I was in college.

            To ponder whether to “throw it away” or “keep it” Rita suggests asking ourselves:

1.     Do I currently love it?

2.     Do I currently need it?

She points out people feel a sentimental attachment to “things”, which is why I still have my tank top from 7^th grade (that I never wear) in my drawer! I remembered being upset when I couldn’t find my wide orange Gap pants with the black stripe from high school. I didn’t have a lot of clothes back then, and I would always wear those pants.

           

            “The Productivity Project” is a book by Chris Bailey detailing what he learned from his productivity experiments. In one of his productivity experiments, Chris decided to let go of all maintenance tasks for an entire week. He wore pajamas, took 3 showers during the week, ordered daily takeout, stopped cleaning, and tried to be as productive as possible. He claimed he felt terrible during the middle of the “letting go” week. As a kid, I believed I would feel excellent if I lived on takeout and didn’t do any chores. In college, I realized that wasn’t true. I realized I would have been happier if I cleaned my dorm regularly. And I remembered my friends with “Martha Stewart” dorms getting good grades in their classes. I also remember that (rare) ecstatic feeling of looking around my tidy dorm.

            Chris suggests doing rote maintenance tasks (such as cleaning the house) with your significant other to make it fun. He also suggests listening to something while cleaning. Calling someone during cleaning can also make it more fun.

            Rita Emmett suggests that planning actually reduces procrastination, and makes work more fun. In college, my method of studying was: I’m going to read the textbook straight through. That’s one of the reasons why I rarely studied. It was too painful for me. My GPA goal in college was to get an overall 4.00. I remember discussing it with one of my professors: “If I get a B- in your class, I think I can still get a 4.00! I can just retake it next semester!” (I got a C in that class, and didn’t retake it.)

            Now, I would have planned it out to make it easy. I know reading a textbook back to back would be painful for me so I would have taken notes in class. If I didn’t understand something, I would read that section in my textbook. In college, I spent a lot of time on introductory chapter pages, where they would give a general summary of what the chapter was about. Now, I would only read what was absolutely necessary. It makes life easier.

            Simplicity is key. I wouldn’t get much done if I made everything difficult. Another reason why I procrastinated was because, in college, my subconscious belief was that everything still had to be perfect. When I studied for my European history final, I made an alphabetical list of every bold term in my textbook. I decided I was going to write a paragraph for each term. I wrote two paragraphs, and closed the book. Perfectionism was too difficult to achieve, so why bother?

            Life is much easier now that I’ve stopped demanding perfectionism from myself. My productivity increases when I stop trying to “make it perfect”. I take naps when I’m tired. A few nights ago I stayed up until 1 am watching rap videos on Youtube. I didn’t feel guilty, but I knew I couldn’t do it regularly because I needed sleep. When we do things over and over again, it becomes habit. According to researchers, from University College London, it takes an average of 66 days to develop a habit. Some habits feel “good” (junk food), while others take time getting used to (waking up at 4 am). If I had to wake up at 4 am, I would go to bed at 8. I know I’ll feel energized once I get 8 hours of sleep. That’s the recommended amount for adults, but it really depends on the individual. Work becomes easier when we’re energized, when we have enough sleep. We also tend to get more done when we’re energized, which is why sleep is important. Broadly speaking, getting enough sleep reduces procrastination.

It took me years to understand what I’ve written in my blog. For much of my life I’ve lived in complete darkness. My book (link below) details my remarkable journey to happiness. It was painful to remember, but I know everything happened for a reason. I wrote my life story to give people hope. 

Book Link

            When I was a little girl I didn’t say “thank you” unless I was made to. As the years passed, I gradually understood the importance of gratitude. Having gratitude helps us feel better when we appreciate what we have. I watch Law of Attraction videos on Youtube. One of the core components to getting what we want is to feel gratitude for what we already have. Law of Attraction states that “thoughts create things”.

It doesn’t mean that if we think of something, we’ll instantly have it (which is good). Imagine the scenario: a fledgling actor thinks “I want to win an Oscar.” All of a sudden he gets a phone call saying he’s getting an Oscar delivered to his house for the 2 minute role he played 3 years ago. This keeps happening throughout the day, every day. After a while it becomes redundant because it’s “too easy”. There’s no long term satisfaction in getting things instantaneously. Rather, it’s about enjoying the process, and knowing what we want is within our reach. Good feelings speed up the process. Work becomes easier when we’re in a good mood. An easy way to feel good is through gratitude, by appreciating what we do have.  

            Our goal may be to buy a two story house near the beach. When we look at our current surroundings we’re focused on what we see (our home that’s not on the beach). There may be some resistance (but I’m not there yet! It’ll take years and years to save up). When we focus on what we’re grateful for, our mood improves, and we enjoy the journey.

            Gratitude doesn’t have to be difficult. Sometimes it’s easier if it’s simpler. I’m grateful the sun rose this morning, that breakfast was delicious, that I spent time with my family last weekend. Gratitude doesn’t have to feel like “effort”.

            I’ve heard making a gratitude list is helpful. It helps when we can physically see, in writing, what we’re thankful for. Little things are important as well. Not many people can write “I’m grateful I won the lottery today” but most of us can write “I’m thankful I have gas in my car.” “I’m thankful I have a winter coat.” “I’m grateful I found change in my pocket.” There’s no resistance when we “keep it simple”.  

            That feeling of appreciation matches the vibration of “what we want”. We want “things” (could also be intangible such as fulfilling relationships) because we believe we’ll feel better when we get them. When we focus on what we don’t have, then there’s discord. (I don’t have that house on the beach yet…) Appreciation feels “good” and feeling “good” matches the feeling of what we want when our dreams become reality. (I have a beautiful house on the beach!)

            I’ve found that it’s more helpful to focus on “what we have” than “what we don’t have”. “What we don’t have” causes anxiety, resentment, insecurity: feelings we don’t want to have in our lives. Appreciating “what we have” feels joyful, gives us control, is easy (I’m grateful I have a house to live in), and soothing: feelings we want in our lives. Joy, control are feelings we associate with getting “what we want”, whether it’s a house on a beach or a happy marriage. Appreciating what we have relaxes us, and helps us feel at ease. When we feel like we’ve already achieved what we want, then what we want will come to us quicker.

            There are success-building books such as “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield that focuses on Law of Attraction. Tony Robbins also writes about the power of visualization in his best-selling books. When I first heard of “Law of Attraction” I thought people who practiced it wore long robes and lived in isolation. Jack Canfield is the co-author of the “Chicken Soup” series, and wears a business suit on the cover of “The Success Principles”. It’s applicable to everyone, no matter what religion you follow (Jack’s a Christian), or what career you pursue. Olympic stars have used the power of visualization to win gold medals. They pictured the routine in their head, and “heard” the applause before performing the Olympic routine. Office workers have used Law of Attraction to help them improve their work relationships; business professionals have used Law of Attraction to increase sales; teachers used Law of Attraction to enjoy teaching. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay is the book that helped me understand Law of Attraction. She wrote about having gratitude in her amazing book.   

            Over the years, I gradually realized the importance of gratitude; I just didn’t initially apply it in my life. In elementary school, it seemed like the students who said “thank you” and smiled received positive attention from the teachers. As a little girl, I wanted to be one of those students who adults adored, who “glided” through school. I thought those girls had a magical formula for charisma; turns out it was simply saying “thank you” and smiling. Being appreciative goes a long way. People have landed jobs because they sent a thoughtful “thank you” note after the interview.

            With the holidays rolling around, it’s probably easier to be grateful. I’ve noticed even holiday commercials tend to be super- cheery. And there’s a song (don’t remember the title) that begins with “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” Mainstream Christmas songs are so catchy! My all time favorite Christmas song is “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by N SYNC. And I just watched “Miracle on 34^th Street” for the first time on Netflix (awesome movie). As a little girl, I felt a smidgen of gratitude during holidays because Santa Claus was constantly on TV, and standing near store entries.

            Practicing gratitude helps us focus on “what we have”. Yes, we’ll be grateful when we have a BMW, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate our Honda or Ford. There are people around the world who don’t have cars, and some of them are extremely happy. I watched a documentary featuring a man who pulled rickshaws for a living, who lived in a crowded hut with his family. Sometimes he would only have rice with salt for dinner. And yet he wasn’t miserable. He spoke about the joy he felt when he saw his children running to greet him after coming home from a long day of pulling rickshaws. We don’t have to “wait” for a BMW to experience gratitude; we can feel joy now. It’s priceless.

           

            For much of my life I’ve struggled. In the past I didn’t feel I had anything to be grateful for. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. Remembering myself as a teen, I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.                   

Book Link

The first time I heard Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” was when I was in college. There’s a line “But in your life you’ll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team. I didn’t know it at fifteen.” I didn’t know it at fifteen either. Or 20 for that matter. For much of my life I was preoccupied with “fitting in”, and worrying excessively about what people thought.

            In the past, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough” so I looked to my peers, and copied what they said. “When all you wanted was to be wanted. I wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now” is another lyric from “Fifteen”.

            If I could go back and tell myself something at 15, it would be: you have something to say. I didn’t know how to talk to people; I wanted to make friends “quickly”, but it was difficult for me.

            In college, my social skills improved, but I was still trying to “fit in”. I felt certain things were “ok” to talk about: Friday night plans, what happened during Friday night plans, shopping, my current crush, why I couldn’t get my current crush, MTV reality shows, celebrities...

There were many students who talked about other things: hiking through Mohonk Mountain, getting internships, embracing acceptance, current events, sports, interesting class discussions, fun concerts, great movies, Saturday morning plans…  

Sometimes I had fun talking about Friday night plans, but there were many times when I didn’t feel comfortable. When people were discussing how much fun they had at parties, I would join in, but in the back of my head I would be thinking I really didn’t have fun. He ignored me, and so did she. I wonder why.

I had a whole bunch of theories about why he or she ignored me at parties, and the more I expounded upon my theories, the more anxious I felt. To this day, I don’t know what people think. I can’t read minds. I’ve learned a great way to overcome social anxiety is to realize: we will never know what anyone is thinking. There’s no point in worrying about what another person is thinking if we’ll never know.  

You ever think someone was upset with you, and it turns out they were just having a bad day? I’ve found the more I seek reassurance, validation, that the person isn’t upset with me, the more insecure I become. It took years for me to become socially confident. A good way to feel relaxed during social interactions is through thinking positive affirmations. I have my own affirmation I use whenever I talk with people (pulled from a Louise Hay video on Youtube.) It’s about finding an affirmation that you feel comfortable with.  

For much of my life, I didn’t think what I had to say was “good enough”. That was my own belief, and it manifested into poor social interactions.  I’ve discovered the more I sought validation to affirm self-worth, the less confident I felt. Realizing self-worth helped build my social confidence. I realized self-worth not by my achievements, but by accepting myself for who I am. I chose to believe I’m good enough. Self-worth simply has to be realized, instead of “earned”. If I based my self-worth on my achievements, I will always be competitive and insecure. It took a while for me to get rid of my negative self-beliefs; remembering myself as a teenager: I know if I can become confident, then so can anyone. 

I used to feel so nervous when I met people, especially people who I thought I should impress. It helps when we see everyone as equals. I’ve found when I show genuine interest in the other person, the conversation flows naturally, and we have more to discuss. Asking questions is a good way to continue conversations when it seems like you have “nothing in common” with the other person. If they smile when they discuss their favorite sports team, ask them about it without putting their team down. It’s always important to be genuine. In college, I would purposefully root for the Red Sox during a Yankees game just to be different. Only thing was, I was a Yankees fan so it came across as fake.

            In college, there were many times when I would think did I really say that? Now it’s become: yes, I said it. Life moves on. People aren’t going to talk about that “social mistake you made” for the rest of their lives. They’re preoccupied with their own lives. And I bet everyone’s been through something similar at least once in their lives. There’s a reason why James Bond is a fictional character. He reminds me of Batman, in a sense. I think I would get along better with Spider Man or Superman.

            We all have important things to say; we just have to realize it. Social interactions are successful when we’re relaxed, when we know what we have to say is important. And yes, everyone has something of value to add to a conversation.

            Being happy is about enjoying the friendships you have. It’s not a numbers game. It’s important not to base our self worth on the amount of friends we have. It took years for me to realize that. I’ve made more friends when I stopped “trying”, and simply acted like myself. So far, all of the success-building books I’ve read (first one was “Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You”) have emphasized the importance of staying true to yourself.

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”- Dr. Suess (author of one of the first books I ever read.)  

“Stay true to you, and you will end up incredibly happy”- QuotesGram

            Some people are born with higher levels of confidence. I started out very sensitive to criticism. My early environment didn’t help, and I spent much of my life having very low self esteem. My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.

Book Link

Book Link

            Growing up, I disliked exercising. I only did it because I felt like I had to. In high school I was the slowest runner on my track team. Even though I was slow, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. In college, I went the opposite direction and lived on French Fries and soda. I didn’t exercise, and was constantly getting sick in the winter. Winter was “Z-Pak” season. Every college winter I would pay a visit to the campus infirmary where I was prescribed a “Z-Pak” for bronchitis. The Z-Pak lowered my fever, but it didn’t help change my habits. I was staying up too late, eating fried foods, avoiding the gym, and constantly stressing. Freshman 15 became Sophomore 20 and finally Junior 25. As a Junior, I was overweight, physically drained, and constantly coughing during the colder months. I knew I should be exercising, but the “should” didn’t become “did” until much later.

            I now exercise to be healthy. I’m happy with my weight, and I don’t stress out if I gain a few pounds. Last time I checked the scale, I saw I had gained 3 pounds, despite exercising 5 times that week. I owed the weight gain to fried ice cream and pecan pie. I also realized that I gained 3 pounds, not 30. And that it wasn’t something to stress over. Weight gain doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s important not to base our self-worth on our weight.

  

         

            I eat to stay healthy. This Thanksgiving I stuffed myself, and I’m glad I did! But I know in the long run, having copious amounts of pecan pie every single day isn’t going to help my health. I’ve also learned that there is no need for me to deny myself food. In the past, when I tried to diet, I noticed I was constantly irritated. Now I eat whenever I’m hungry, but I don’t eat until I’m over-stuffed. I notice I get tired when I’m overly-stuffed, and then I sleep and sleep and sleep. That’s why I stop eating when I’m 70 percent full, so I’m not starving or tired. It’s a happy medium.

            Growing up, I wasn’t a vegetable fan. I drink Shakeology because it’s plant-based so I know I’m getting my veggie intake. And there are vegetables (besides potatoes) I do enjoy such as eggplant, green peppers, Thai basil, onions. I prefer sautéed, flavorful veggies. The best part of Shakeology is that whenever I don’t feel like cooking, I can make it in less than a minute, and it’s chock full of veggies! Sometimes I’ll drink it as breakfast, other times I’ll drink it as a snack, depending on how hungry I am. It’s also easier to exercise when I’m not hungry.

            I prefer walking to running. I enjoy running in extremely short spurts; it feels good to know the end is very near! Walking is good exercise, as is Zumba or yoga. I take group classes at my gym after realizing I prefer classes over the elliptical. I go to my classes regularly, but I don’t push myself. The most I’ve ever lifted is 20 pounds; I normally lift 15. The classes are an hour long so I still feel the burn, but I’m not panting or overly sore the next day. I know I won’t get “ripped” by lifting 15 pounds, but I’m ok with that. I want to be able to enjoy exercising. Last weekend I went to my friend’s Beachbody Fitness class where we learned a hip-hop routine. I enjoyed it because it was a fun workout with Bruno Mars music. I felt the burn, but I wasn’t exhausted afterward.   

            In the past, I didn’t enjoy exercising because it bought back painful track memories, when I would force myself to endure unnecessary pain. But not exercising at all made me miserable as well. I realize I’m happiest when I’m regularly exercising, yet not pushing myself. I have no desire to compete in the Olympics or play professional sports; I exercise to stay healthy. When I was in college I was constantly coughing and getting sick. Now, with regular exercise, my immune system has improved, and I don’t get sick as often! Exercising cuts down doctor bills.

             

            To stay healthy, find something that you enjoy doing, whether it’s walking, skipping, rock climbing, etc.. Exercise at a pace you enjoy, whether it’s walking 30 minutes a day, or completing a Michael Phelps routine. Personally, I would never work out 6 hours a day like Olympic athletes, but there are people who can do it. It’s all about finding what suits you.

            Not too long ago, I used to get fast food after the gym. It felt good while I was eating (yes, carbs!), but afterward my stomach felt funny. My mentality was: I deserve a reward after a work out. Except fast food after the gym was more like a punishment because of the way my body felt afterwards. My body feels better when I skip fast food, and eat healthy after a work out. My dream, as a little girl, was to live on Cheetos and soda, but now I’m glad that it didn’t come true.

Like many people, I feel more energized after a work out. If you had explained this to me in college, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I’ve found that exercising helps with maintaining energy level. I’m sure we’ve all experienced it before, that I-Want-To-Keep-Going feeling after a workout. I feel that way when I don’t overly push myself, hence the reason why I stick with lifting 15 pounds! I’ve always wondered what the mind frame of a professional athlete or Olympic star is; they spend hours, every day, training. I believe many of them genuinely enjoy their sport, which is their motivation to “keep going”. From what I heard, the ones who genuinely enjoy their sport are the ones who perform well during matches. Enjoyment is important.  

Doing something fun, really fun such as kayaking, snowboarding, or playing Dance Dance Revolution definitely helps! I’ve yet to go kayaking or snowboarding, but I want to one day. Hiking with friends is fun too. I’m always super excited when I see an unexpected animal, like a beaver. I recommend doing something outdoorsy with friends; you can laugh and talk while walking down a new trail!

Exercising can definitely be enjoyable, which is something I didn’t believe as a teenager. We all have different levels of physical stamina, and enjoy different activities. Find something you enjoy, and go for it! I believe life should be easy.

My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. For much of my life I felt like I was running an endless marathon. I know if I can find happiness, then so can anyone.   

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            When I was a little girl I had a huge imagination. I still do. In college I stifled my imagination by pretending to be interested in things to appear “cool”. At my college we had so many quaint cafes, yet I didn’t spend much time in them. I was going out and pretending to enjoy it. I remember checking out “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” (incredible book) by Junot Diaz from the college library, and just having it sit on my desk. I had every intention of reading it, but it wasn’t until after college that I finished it. The book is so delightfully random, which was why I enjoyed it.

            There was a 1996 study involving over 1000 adults aged 60 to 86. They were rated at the beginning of the study based on their levels of curiosity. Some of them smoked, some of them had cardiovascular disease, some of them had cancer. After five years, researches found that those who were initially rated as “more curious” were more likely to be alive at its conclusion, including the ones who had health issues.  This study was published in “Psychology and Aging”.

            I just Googled “curiosity killed the cat”. The link “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction bought it back- Wikipedia” popped up. 

            Curiosity makes us happier. In the beginning of college, I would Google the same few celebrities in my free time while “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” waited patiently. At that time, I didn’t think it was cool to “think”. But I noticed I felt happier when I was having discussions in my writing class. My friend took me to her philosophy class towards the end of college, and it was a blast!

            My life is so much more fulfilling when I’m curious! A few weeks ago my friend told me about Graham Hancock who lives by the motto “question everything.” When I think of computers I think of PC or Mac. Yet the first computers were supposedly designed by ancient Greek scientists in 205 BCE, centuries before 1946 when the world was introduced to the ENIAC computer (which took up a whole room!). Graham is an incredibly brilliant man, who ponders historical conundrums like the ancient Greek computers. I’m learning more about him. He has a documentary on Youtube that’s fascinating.

            You can learn so much from Google! I just found out what happens when you Google “Zerg Rush”… And I also recommend Googling “interesting facts”. Discovering fun, random things is delightful! Life becomes more colorful when we’re curious. Take it from someone who used to only watch reality shows. I remember the only DVD I borrowed from Netflix back in college was “Gastineau Girls”- a reality show about a beautiful mother/daughter socialite duo. I had Netflix for a year and half in college. My current favorite show is “Gilmore Girls”. It’s a show about a fictional mother/ daughter duo set in the town of Stars Hollow. I never watched this in high school, so now I’m catching up! Rory is awesome (and has a great sweater collection). Michel is blasé, hilarious, and has the best accent. I’m only on the 3^rd season so I haven’t met Lorelai’s dog yet. And I kind of know what happens from accidentally Googling, but I’ll keep watching because the dialogue is spectacular!

            Remember how you felt when you were a kid and discovered bubble blowing? Or found a new way to walk to your friend’s house? As a little girl I wanted to find a four leaf clover because my classmates were raving about how awesome it was. Not sure if I found one, but I remember the shrieks of delight from my classmates when they plucked one during recess. It was as if they discovered a hidden diamond mine! As adults, we’re no longer continuously looking for four leaf clovers, but it doesn’t mean we have to lose our fun, or our curiosity. Life can still be fun. We don’t have to depend on our parents for allowances or car rides anymore; we can create our futures! And yes, we can enjoy creating our futures.

You ever go to a restaurant and order something new? A few nights ago I ordered fried ice cream. The server came back with a lighter, and poured fire over my fried ice cream. I’ve had fried ice cream before, but never with fire. My inner five year old was delighted as I took my first bite of fiery fried ice cream. I used to stick with the same routine restaurants, but now I’m open to new experiences.       

            Life has a routine for many people, myself included. I cannot hop on a plane tomorrow for a 6 month Barbados vacation. But it doesn’t mean our lives have to become a routine. Being curious helps, as long as the things we choose to explore don’t cause us pain. The secret is to figure out what we truly enjoy, whether it’s swimming, mathematics, cooking, philosophy, football, or traveling. And then explore what we’re interested in. For a long time I didn’t know what I truly liked, which was why I didn’t visit Lake Minnewaska in college or spend time in quaint cafes. But then I realized: it’s never too late! Now I’m enjoying Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and fascinating conversations in pizza parlors. Time really flies when we’re enjoying activities.

            Being curious, trying new things adds spark to our lives. We’re not clones or drones; we’re individuals. Nine to 5 doesn’t have to be a life sentence. People have interesting stories. Ask your friendly co-worker about her vacation, hobbies, favorite memories and you might be fascinated by what she says!

            My book (link below) details my journey from severely depressed to consistently happy. I’m grateful I live colorfully now, after spending so many years in darkness.  

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